Don't give up on yourself

Bear with me I've been bitten by the speech bug and I'm still kind of in that mode.

There I was all by myself trembling, sweating, and about to give up on the plank. If I gave in and released the plank, who would know? It was in that moment I recalled being in boot camp fatigued and ready to collapse to the ground from plank position when the instructor, Jen said these words, “Don’t give up on yourself.” I held the plank that day because of those inspiring words and ever since have used them to help me get through tough workouts. After all, throughout all this there is ONLY me. This isn’t a show for anyone else. I don’t show up at the gym just because I want to be seen there or have bragging rights about having gone there. I started this journey because of an internal desire to change myself.


At 388 lbs. I was a miserable soul, so whenever I get discouraged or feel like giving up I remember the alternative. This battle is not being fought for anyone else. This battle is mine and mine alone. I push myself to the limit because I never, ever, ever want to return to that lonely, miserable place again. I push myself because I want to be healthy and fit. I push myself because I want to look good. Heck, one day I want to sashay around in a pair of 4” heels. So when I’m working out and at the brink of giving up from embarrassment, fatigue, or a combination thereof, I push through.


I've been talking a lot lately with Steve my trainer/buddy about how we wish we could find the magic solution to keep folks motivated. I talk to lots of folks through my blog and FB page - I love when folks reach out to me. That's one of the reasons I blog. Anyhow, I notice folks sometimes seek my advice and they start off with great intentions then all the sudden I don't hear from them anymore. Too often Steve gets clients that start working out with him who are all revved up and next thing he knows they cancel their appointments. Of course, there could be a number of factors as to why these folks cancel and stop seeking advice -- please, I don't want to assume anything, but I will say this is a mental battle like no other. I believe, perhaps folks set their expectations to high and when the return doesn't happen fast enough they give up.

Folks when the going gets tough, you have to figure out a way to talk past the demons. They'll be all sorts of demons telling you, you can't do it -- it's too hard. The road to a healthy, fit lifestyle is not going to be easy. Especially, with all the set-ups: Fast, cheap, convenvient food, drive-thrus, etc. There are going to be obstacles, but you have to find a way to manuever around them. It's not about me, Steve, your spouse, your daughter -- this is about YOU. Don't give up on yourself.


Take it from someone who to date has lost more than 170 lbs. and counting. I'm not just talking out the side of my neck. Oh, the obstacles I've encountered. Believe me, I know how hard it is. But, I also know that I'm worth it. I'll never, ever give up on myself.

Recovery journal

Day 101: It went DOWN! 10 minutes on the treadmill @ 2.1 mph. 20 minutes on recumbent bike ranging 65-75 rpm, and the highlight of it all - (4) consecutive 45 second planks with three personal trainers spotting me, rooting me on, and making sure my form was good . The last plank was especially for my assistant coach I had to show him how STRONG I really am.

I'm NOT what I use to be

Yesterday, as I tried to muster up the strength to lift the 40 lbs. barbell overhead I begun to question my capabilities.  While I was struggling I was uttering to myself: "What's wrong with you? Push through."  Being the foolish die hard I am I got through the sets. Next, I waddled over to the mat area where I found an innocent bystander to spot me while I planked (I feel more comfortable getting up and down off the floor if someone's there since surgery). Completed a few planks and got up from the floor feeling a little disoriented only to travel straight to the recumbent bike. Once at the bike "Do What You Can" guy was there and noticed I looked a little fatigued. He asked, "Are you sure you should get on the bike?" Needless to say, I hopped on and rode for a record time (Since surgery) 30 minutes. As I rode the bike listening to my tunes it dawned on me, I'm not what I use to be. Sad, but true. I've lost my endurance, some of my strength, and a little a bit of my confidence. Probably to be expected after having major surgery only 11 weeks ago, but somehow or another I tend to ignore the small details.

As I was headed out  the gym door one of the employees asked "How was it?" I told her: "It went okay, but my tank seems to be running low on fuel." Her reply, "Take it easy, you've been through a lot. I've seen you here everyday this week" By golly, she's right, three days in a row I've been at the gym and one of those days I went to physical therapy as well. The thing is, sure I'm in rehab, recovery mode, but I also have to figure out what my body can do, so the only way to figure that out is to try. It's a balancing act, those of you who've been following me have heard me talk about finding balance before. I want to push my limits, but I also have to be mindful of my true capabilities. Right now, my priority is to recover. I need to slow down, pump my brakes. There's a time and a place to be a rock star and this is NOT the time. Heavy sigh.

I'm searching for balance. Harmony. Peace. Reminder to self: Be kind to yourself and slow down. You'll get there in due time.

Me, Myself, and I

There I was all by myself, trembling, sweating, and about to give up on the  plank. No Megan. No Group X instructor. Just me, myself, and I. If I gave in and released the plank, who would know? It was in that moment I recalled being in Boot Camp fatigued and ready to collapse to the ground from plank position when the instructor, Jen said these words, “Don’t give up on yourself.” I held the plank that day because of those inspiring words and ever since have used them to help me get through tough workouts. After all, throughout all this there is only me. This isn’t a show for anyone else. I don’t show up at the gym just because I want to be seen there or have bragging rights about having gone there. I started this journey because of an internal desire to change myself. At 388 lbs. I was a miserable soul, so whenever I get discouraged or feel like giving up I remember the alternative. This battle is not being fought for Megan or anyone else. This battle is mine and mine alone. I push myself to the limit because I never, ever, ever want to return to that lonely, miserable place again. I push myself because I want to be healthy and fit. I push myself because I want to look good. Heck, one day I want to sashay around in a pair of 4” heels. So when I’m working out and at the brink of giving up from embarrassment, fatigue, or a combination thereof, I push through. This is a battle I’m determined to win. I will never give up on myself.