In between, the past

In order to change and grow, one of the most important things is to be honest with yourself. That's part of the reason I blog. I can write my feelings down for all to see. It keeps me not only honest with myself, but gives me a sounding board.  I'm not ashamed or afraid to share my feelings and I welcome constructive criticism. 

As I was talking with a respected professional, this was her advice: "Time to stop visiting the past, only visit the past for the purpose of evaluation and information gathering - e.g., what worked, what didn't and that's about it. Only focus on today and moving forward."She's absolutely right. Time to stop living in the past.  This is who I am today. No more looking back.

Life happens. Life ebbs and flows. I am no longer in the same place as I used to be. In most instances that's a good thing, but when it comes to my weight, not so good. I've put on some of the 170 pounds I had lost. I'm upset with myself. Disappointed.  Today, I'm somewhere in between my heaviest weight of 388 pounds and my lowest  of 218 pounds. So where I am today is what I must embrace. I can't keep holding on to what used to be. Yesterday is gone. It's time to use the past to make tomorrow better.

A part of the Family!

So proud to be a part of the family!

I've been self-employed, out and about in the community; sharing my passion for food and health for the past six years. In August, I accepted a full-time position with an awesome, growing, local health plan. I knew if I ever returned to work for an organization it would have to be at a place where their values lined up with mine. I found that place -- FamilyCare Health Plans. They've been proving themselves over and over. Today, I was featured in the October Employee Newsletter. You can read more, here >>>


NEW EMPLOYEE SPOTLIGHT

Chrisetta Mosley—touching lives in and outside of FamilyCare
Chrisetta Mosley joins our Navigation Services team on the front lines of
member navigation, fulfilling members’ every need, from changing PCPs to
inputting referrals and authorizations. Chrisetta’s first foray into healthcare, however, was back in the ‘90s, when she held several roles at Providence Health & Services here in Portland.

After years in the Seattle marketing scene, Chrisetta has returned to
Portland, and has since made a splash as a budding cookbook author. Her
journey to local fame began with a realization. “I’ve been overweight my
entire life...There comes a time when you just can’t do [it] anymore.” From
then on, her mission was clear: to regain control of her life. Through hard
work and determination, Chrisetta lost 170 pounds and recorded her weight loss journey on a blog: Farewell Fatso! But Chrisetta thought, “I can do more than this...maybe there is something else [I am] meant to do.”
Chrisetta’s passion for cooking had her creating and photographing
healthful dishes at home. The pictures on her blog created a buzz at her
local gym, and she was soon compiling the dishes into her first cookbook, Bringing Cooking Back.

The success of her cookbook caught the attention of a professor at Clark College in Vancouver, WA, where Chrisetta was also teaching cooking classes at a local food market. Chrisetta was asked to develop a second cookbook, strictly for students at Clark College. This is now the third year that Shop, Cook, Eat: Outside of the Box with Chrisetta Mosley has been a required textbook for Clark’s health students. Chrisetta has been touching lives in and around Portland, and we’re happy she’s here continuing the
mission at FamilyCare. Please welcome Chrisetta Mosley to the family.

*NEW EMPLOYEE MEET-AND-GREET CONTEST
The 5th person to introduce him/herself to Chrisetta Mosley will receive a free casual day. Chrisetta will write names on a Meet-and-Greet Contest sheet and present it to Communications once all ten slots are filled. The winner will be notified via email. Chrisetta is on the 13th floor. Let’s give her a warm welcome!

Thankful

Today, I'm thankful to God for giving me the strength, courage, and belief in myself to battle obesity. Battling obesity has been one of the hardest things I've done in my life. And, while I've yet to beat obesity entirely I'm so grateful for the progress I've made. Today, I'm healthier and happier. I know that I couldn't do it without God's Grace and Mercy.

For anyone out there struggling with your weight...YOU can do anything you set your mind to. Take it from someone who knows...I used to weigh 388 pounds and have lost 170 pounds with a change in my attitude, diet, and incorporating exercise.

PRAY to God
BELIEVE you can
LOVE yourself every step of the way
FORGIVE yourself when you stumble
SURROUND yourself with healthy, positive people

Criss-Cross Applesauce

Being overweight makes some physical things difficult. A basic everyday task like picking something up off the floor can cause a scene for an overweight person. At my heaviest weight of 388 pounds somethings would have to just stay on the floor until someone else offered to pick it up for me. Sad, I know.  Now that I've lost weight it's gotten much easier, but I still am unable to kneel.

Kneeling for most "normal" sized folks seems like an easy task. But, think about it kneeling is virtually a very deep squat. If you have excess weight on your body it becomes more difficult. If I have to grab something out of the bottom drawer or off the bottom shelf instead of  kneeling, I bend. Bending is much easier on my knees, but it's incorrect form. The more active I've become I notice stuff like that. I'm always envious when I see someone kneel down with ease. I think to myself one day, I'll be able to do that too.

Another simple function that I have on my to-do-list is to sit comfortably in criss-cross applesauce position. Again, I can do it, but it's a little problematic. It's the getting up and down off the floor that causes me havoc.

As most of you know, I never learned how to ride a bike because my weight hindered me (read previous blog post here). Today, with my new active lifestyle and renewed spirit, I'm ready to conquer riding a bike. I've decided that no matter what I want to do in life - big or small - I'm just going to go for it. So no more waiting around until I'm smaller, fitter; the time is now.  I'm going make it a point to kneel instead of bend. My wobbly knees will have to eventually get use to it. And, I'm going to practice sitting in criss-cross applesauce more often too.

What's Happening in February

Another month full of community outreach-- speaking, cooking, presenting, and more cooking. I declare February 2013 as FANTASTIC fun. Here's what I'll be up to and where -- join me*!

Highlights:

Throughout the month -- *For current Clark College health students. Excited to return to Clark as a guest lecturer! The goal is to bridge the gap between what the students are learning in class and to give them some practical, "hands-on' experience. I'll visit Health 104: Weight and Your Health, Monday, February 5th. And am looking so forward to lecturing in Veronica Brock's Health 100: Food and Your Health classes (She taught me a lot  of what I know about food right in the very class I'll lecture in!) two back-to-back lectures -- Wednesday, February 14th. I'll also lecture for Health 100: Food and Your Health these dates: Tuesday, February 13th, Tuesday, February 19th, and Thursday, February 21st. Whew! Clark College!

----
I'm expanding my outreach to get more kids and teens (they're our future!) involved in  preparing and eating real food -- Outside of the Box.

Tuesday, February 5th
5 - 6 p.m.
Teen Arts & Crafts night
Quick & Yummy Snacks: Teens 12 and over. Make delicious healthy snacks like smoothies, energy bars and homemade microwave popcorn, with cookbook author Chrisetta Mosley. Click here  to read LiveWell's calendar blurb.
Community Park Library
600 NE 136th Avenue
Vancouver

Wednesday, February 6th
2:30 - 4:00 p.m.
Outside of the Box Young Un's
Kids age nine and older can learn OUTSIDE of the Box simple favorites using whole food ingredients: Granola Parfaits (granola made from scratch) and Brown Bag Popcorn with  healthy add-ins. Call store to sign your child up! 360.597.2700

Chuck's Produce & Street Market
13215 SE Mill Plain Blvd.
Vancouver


Here's a full list of my upcoming events:

Monday, February 4th
Clark College Health 104: "Weight and Your Health" guest lecturer
-------------------------------

Tuesday, February 5th
5:00 - 6:00 p.m.


Outside of the Box: Teens
This one's for teens -- twelve and older. I'll show them how to create simple items they can whip up to-go. Blueberry Banana Kale Smoothies and Whole Food Energy Bars.

Cascade Park Community Library
600 NE 136th Ave.
Vancouver                 
360.256.7782
-------------------------------
Wednesday, February 6th
2:30 - 4:00 p.m.

Outside of the Box for Young 'Uns
Kids age nine and older can learn OUTSIDE of the Box simple favorites using whole food ingredients: Granola Parfaits (granola made from scratch) and Brown Bag Popcorn with healthy add-ins.

• Classes are F-R-E-E
• Class size is limited to about 15
• Please call store to sign up for class and reserve your seat

Chuck's Produce & Street Market
13215 SE Mill Plain Blvd.
Vancouver
360.597.2700
-------------------------------
Sunday, February 10th
2:00 - 3:30 p.m.
 
Outside of the Box: Chili
Join me as I show you how to create hearty, warm chili using two types of beans and extra-lean ground beef. Served with Cilantro Lime Rice.

• Classes are F-R-E-E
• Class size is limited to about 20
• Please call store to sign up for class and reserve your seat

Chuck's Produce & Street Market
13215 SE Mill Plain Blvd.
Vancouver
360.597.2700

------------------------------- 

Tuesday, February 13th
Wednesday, February 14th
Tuesday, February 19th
Thursday, February 21st
Clark College Health 100: "Food and Your Health" guest lecturer
-------------------------------
Wednesday, February 20th
PSU Eat to Live Panel guest 

-------------------------------


Wednesday, February 27th
6-7:30 p.m.

"5 or 50" Women's Sustainable Weight Loss & Healthy Lifestyle Group
No matter if you have "5 or 50" pounds to lose. It's time to start seeing yourself as beautiful, strong, capable and look beyond physical attributes. I'll facilitate the meeting and share my tips for staying motivated. This will be a safe, inspiring environment to share and grow.

• Motivation and tips for healthy, sustainable weight loss
• Recipe sharing
• Self-love and affirmation
  

Cascade Park Community Library
600 NE 136th Ave.
Vancouver
360.256.7782

"5 or 50" Changing Lives

Our NEW poster

Have you ever thought of an idea and without much forethought -- just went for it? Well, I have. Three months ago, an idea came to mind. An idea to start a women's group to support, encourage, and motivate.

After years of blogging about weight, health and fitness -- I've talked to a number of women.  Sadly, there seems to be the same common issues among us. Often times, women will come to me for advice, support and I'll exchange a few words with them on the blog, FB, at an event, maybe back and forth via email, but that would be the extent of our dialogue. I started feeling like there was more that I could do to help. More that I wanted to do to help. It's one thing to hear from a doctor, nutritionist, or trainer, but it's entirely different to hear from someone who lives it every day.  And so I created "5 or 50" Women's Sustainable Weight Loss and Healthy Lifestyle Group so the dialogues could continue. So we could share, grow, support, encourage, inspire, and motivate one another. So we could cast out negative self image, look beyond physical attributes, and stop obsessing over our weight and every bite we put in our mouths.

Last night, we held our third meeting, had our second guest speaker, welcomed five newcomers, and had a nice time sharing our "Outside of the Box" changes we've been making. At our August meeting I asked the ladies to think of things they could do differently that they would normally not do "Outside" of their comfort zone.  It warmed my heart to go around the room and hear the ladies comments. Here's a few of them:

"I've started walking in the evenings even on the nights I don't feel like it." ~Maria
"I volunteered to be the President of TOPS. I would never have done that before, but something just came over me." ~Jaleit
"I had my hair cut and colored." ~Jennifer
" I mowed my lawn. I wanted to see if I still could." ~ Carol
"I really have been trying to eat less packaged food. I cook at home a lot more." ~Toni

And then this morning, I received this FB message from Debbie (it just about killed me over): " I have so much new information from last night! Can't wait to check out the books mentioned and the Costco 21 spice idea."

My heart is full. It's such a beautiful feeling to know that I'm creating an environment for women to share, bond and realize their potential. My short sighted idea is working, I'm helping change lives.

Read the blog that started it all: "5 or 50"

Sue sharing her story -- she's lost 100+lbs.

Debbie sharing her juicing recipe/tips

The ladies

Mirror Mirror

I've been obese my entire life so it's a little absurd for me to believe I can erase the years and years of unhealthy behaviors overnight. For goodness' sakes I use to weigh a mortifying 388 pounds.

Today, I'm 170 pounds lighter, healthier, and happier. But, it's been a while since I've recorded a lost in weight or inches. The good news is I haven't gained any weight or increased in inches either. So, it's safe to say I'm able to maintain, and the practices I've adopted in my life are sustainable.

I tell myself, maybe I'm suppose to be here in this space. Maybe this is what's comfortable for my body right now. And yes my thoughts are sort of contradictory, but like I've said before my blog is my diary and you just so happen to be privy to read it. Bear with me.

I have to remind myself, this is no yo-yo, fad diet. I'm not seeking a quick fix. I'm creating a healthy lifestyle for myself by eating a wide variety of fresh, whole food, discovering new things beyond food, exercising, and reaching out to the community along the way. I'm proud of myself. It's taken an awful lot of discipline and deep inward stares at myself to lose and keep the weight off.  I've taken a whole lot of negative and turned it into a whole lot of positive.

Yet and still, the other day when I caught my reflection in the mirror, it caused me to pause and ask myself "Are you  giving it your all?" Sure, I've been busy, busy, writing my latest cookbook. Sure, I've been busy facilitating community meetings, speaking at various events, and hosting cooking classes. But those things encompass my life. Shouldn't I be able to balance it all? Heavy sigh. I'd like to think -- yes.  I'm going to have to figure out a way to make them all fit together and still work towards my fitness and weight loss goals.

Because of my weight loss success, folks, ask me all the time, "What makes me stay with it?" It's simple, I look in the mirror. A journey of this sorts takes a consistent commitment. Evaluation of self -- onus. Discipline. Accountability. I've come this far by being honest with myself, about my goals, whether or not I'm giving 100 percent. If I find that I'm not giving 100 percent. I call myself out, confront myself. I'm a no non-sense type gal, who doesn't make a lot of excuses. So my latest glimpse in the mirror has me on a new mission. A mission to put all the pieces together.

Mirror mirror I seek balance. Balance so that I can do all the things that I enjoy: blogging, authoring cookbooks, hosting cooking classes, speaking to the community, all while I continue to work on my health and fitness goals.

A look at my transition over the years...

It's more than the physical weight I've lost. It's more about the inner strength and peace I've found.

Beyond the scale

Hopped on the scale this morning, and I did NOT like the bright red number staring back at me.

I'll admit, I'm still kinda inclined to tie my fitness and health to the number on the scale. I've read plenty of articles that tell me not to get attached to the number. I've even had personal trainers tell me the same. But, for some reason I just keep hopping on the scale. Obsessing over the darn scale. I have even written a few blogs about my scale obsession in the past -- claiming I was going to free myself of the obsession. The scale obsession. Why? Oh, why? Am I still obsessing over the numbers, the scale. Honestly, I don't know.

What I do know: I've been cycling like crazy the last several weeks and I have cycling buns to prove it. Yup, that's right my tush is getting tight, my legs are toning up, and I can see a nice definition in my calves. And I feel good. So whatever scale. I can't and won't be detoured. I'll keep riding. Riding hard, and one day not only will I have the sleek, toned body of a cyclist, but the numbers on the scale will decrease too.

In the meantime, I'll keep reminding myself: Everyday I cycle and eat right I'm becoming fitter, healthier, and stronger. It's time to look beyond the scale.

.

Rare sighting

Saturday, I got dressed. Glimpsed in the mirror and actually liked what I saw. A rarity.

Excited. I called my daughter in my room for confirmation and she too agreed. I'm looking more toned and there's noticeably less back fat (with no girdle thingy even).

Somethin' about looking good that makes me feel good. I realize, I put a lot of emphasis on the way I look and perhaps I don't tout the health benefits as much as I should. Believe me, I am grateful that by changing my ways I have increased my odds of living better and longer, reduced the stress on my heart and knees. But coming from a place of morbid obesity and losing 170 odd pounds, it's hard to look in the mirror and still be confronted with fat. I mean, I lost the equivalent weight of an adult male. So to still look in the mirror and be fat... I know, I know. I shouldn't, but I do. Anyway, I'm not even going there right now.

Rather, I'm celebrating. Celebrating health, fitness. Celebrating my hard work and dedication. Celebrating my success. For once, I looked in the mirror and didn't mind so much the way I looked.

There was a rare sighting this weekend. I'm working, however, on changing that to a common day occurrence.

5 or 50

It's from within

I have the pleasure of sharing my story and speaking with lots and lots of women. When I started my bid to fitness and weight loss I was surprised at how many "normal size" women called me their inspiration. I always thought...She's slim. How could the fat girl be the one to inspire her? It took me a while, but I came to realize it's my spirit, my go-get it attitude. No matter my size, I am always willing to put myself out there -- with words through actions.

I'm just about 60 pounds shy of my goal weight. Yay! The closer, however, I get to my goal. Sadly, the more unsatisfied I seem to become with my looks. I look in the mirror and think, really? It's the internal demons. The negative space. I blog about it all the time because it's very, very important. More important than how much I weigh. It's more important than how much you weigh. Ladies, we have to silence these negative thoughts. We have to embrace who we are beyond our looks. I've learned from you as you've learned from me.  I've come to the conclusion, it doesn't make any difference if you are five pounds or fifty pounds overweight. It's the internal stuff. Ladies, health and wellness starts from within. If you can't love yourself, and find peace within yourself. Than no matter what size you are or how much you weigh you will always struggle with yourself. 

Stop! Stop obsessing over: Your weight, your looks, and every bite you put in your mouth. Stop looking at her, and wishing you had legs like her. Hair like her. I'm betting you she's looking at someone else thinking the same thoughts. Start seeing yourself as beautiful, strong, capable. While you're at it, allow yourself to enjoy a chocolate chip cookie every now and then. Start today!

****
From "Stop The Insanity!"

We are women in wellness.
We are women in health.
We are women in wanting to look and feel better.
We are all sisters in wanting to change.

A couple of weeks ago when I was in my workout rut, to help me refocus I checked out some books from the library. I stumbled across this blast from the past Susan Powter's "Stop The Insanity!" I was surprised that her and I have a similar style and have a lot of the same theories.

No offense

Farewell Fatso! display at Cascade Park Library

Farewell Fatso! is my attempt to make light of some pretty heavy (no pun intended) matters: Obesity, childhood obesity, weight loss. When I created the blog and Facebook page I did mull the name over, ran it by my closest friends, and the final conclusion was well, Farewell Fatso! I realized that there may be some folks who would deem the name as offensive. Surprisingly, throughout all these months I've never had one person comment on the name. Until, today I was at the library where I'm due to speak later this month. I was  speaking with the librarian and checking out the HUGE poster advertising the event on display in the lobby. The librarian mentioned that she received a complaint saying that the name was offensive. The librarian explained that it was the name I chose and so ...

I can respect that some folks feel that it's offensive, but it's my way of dealing with my personal battle with obesity. For me losing 170 pounds to date, can't be done in silence or without a sense of humor. This is my way of dealing with my everyday struggles with food, exercise, and becoming the best person I can be. Although I hid behind it, and dressed it up for a long while -- being fat has caused me a lot of heartache. Being fat has made me feel less than. Being fat has held me back from living life to it's full potential. So when I started the journey to shed the pounds, really shed the pounds, and find myself the name that resonated with me-- was and still is Farewell Fatso! I'm saying goodbye to my old childhood nemesis, obesity and this is my way of doing it. It never was, nor is my intention
to offend anyone.

I've said it before many times and I'll say it again with pride -- For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

Information Overload

Enough already. In pursuit of health, wellness, and a slimmer, fitter body folks offer me advice all the time. I'm open to suggestions, feedback, new ideas and sometimes I seek the information. Currently, however, I feel inundated with information. What to eat. What not to eat. Whey Protein or Soy Protein. Agave or sugar. How much water should I drink. How to exercise. How not to exercise. To squat or not to squat.  How much sleep do I need.  The debates over how to eat healthy and live well go on and on. The opinions are varied and the sources unlimited.

Today, with the internet, social media, and access to 24 hour news -- oh and health coaches, nutritionists, etc. Information is available at the ready and sometimes I'm not ready. It's difficult to discern what's right, what's best. Sometimes I just want to scream. Aaaaaaaaaaaa. I just did.

Seriously, I don't want to think so hard about it. I just want to eat food -- real food, exercise, and have some fun! My dad always says life is suppose to be fun. Think back to childhood days and how you would play freely. Okay, so maybe we can't go revert to that extreme, but you get my drift. Sometimes I think we are over-thinking this whole healthy lifestyle thing. I don't think it has to be or should be so complicated. I'm sticking to the basics: Eat food -- real food, drink water, exercise, rest, and for goodness sake have some fun! Join me why don't you?

Common denominator

A few years ago, my world came crashing down around me. For weeks, I decided to do nothing about it, other than take sleeping pills and sleep the days away. When I finally woke up I had to take a real hard look at myself. I noticed that often times when there was a problem area in my life -- I happened to be the common denominator. I came to the realization that maybe it was me that needed to change. And so the work began.

I've said this umpteen times, this is a transformation from the inside out. I couldn't even deal with my weight issue without getting in touch with the inner. I notice lots of people struggle with areas in their lives. Certainly, sometimes it's due to someone else or outside factors, but most times I think it may be the person themselves. People are afraid to evaluate self. Trust me, I know -- it's difficult to own your stuff. I hate to beat a dead horse, but in order to really tackle big issues. In order to really begin a journey of self-transformation it starts with self.  In order to grow and move to the next level, spiritually, emotionally, physically it starts with looking inward. Evaluate. There may be things that you need to work on that are standing in the way of you getting what you want out of life. Might I suggest, you take onus. Claim responsibility for your actions, environment. After all, you are the common denominator. Once you start the inward process the pounds will shed.

Writing this post reminded me of this lovely song by Jill Scott, "One Is The Magic Number"

If I multiply 2 times 2 is it really, really 4 me
And if I add 5 to get 9 minus 8 that just leaves me
Me 
So many times I define my pride
Through somebody else's eyes (La da da, la da)
Then I looked inside and found my own stride,
I found the lasting love for me
If I'm searching for my spirituality
Passionately I must begin with me

There's just me...
One is the magic number [x2]

If I add myself unto myself multiplied times
You and yours and you again
There's just me
And if I divide 8 billion, 48 trillion, 98 zillion
There is, there is just me
If I subtract one plus me to the 5th degree,
Use any theorem
There's just me

There's just me...
One is the magic number

From Within

Once a miserable 388 pounds, I decided I loved myself enough to try. Try to be better. Be happier. Be healthier. And lose the weight. All the weight: emotional, spiritual, physical.

When you're in a dark, cold space trapped under 388 pounds light seems non-existent. I traveled many dark, foggy tunnels before I saw a glimpse of light. I had a negative spirit, negative attitude, and a negative outlook. In the depths of darkness, however, there was some nagging voice within, telling me: I deserved more. I was worthy. I could be better. After sitting still with myself and some serious soul searching I was able to hear that voice loud and clear. The voice within instructed me to stop wallowing in my pity, put my thoughts to action, and create the life I envisioned for myself.  The voice within gave me hope, courage, and belief. The voice is the very reason I was able to see my way out of the dark, foggy tunnel. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Today, I stand in the light. 

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts."

What's the worst that can happen?

I was talking with my dear friend (who happens to be obese) this morning.  She complained of how tired she was after sleeping 9 1/2 hours last night. 9 1/2 hours! Sometime ago she was diagnosed with Sleep apnea and prescribed a C-PAP machine. She does not like to use the machine because it's a huge nuance. Usually, I listen on as a good friend would (or would they?).

This morning, however, as she complained about how tired she was I couldn't hold it in anymore. I offered my unsolicited advice. Perhaps she was so tired because although she had been in bed, supposedly sleep, her Sleep apnea prevented her from actually sleeping through the night. Hence, the need for the machine. I realize the machine may be a nuance, but not waking up the next morning would be... She has two small children for goodness sake. As a short-term solution, I encouraged her to start using her machine again, but the long-term solution is to reclaim control of her weight and her health. I mentioned that maybe, just maybe she should start exercising. Just a ten minute walk. That's when her complaining really began: she doesn't want to exert that much energy. Huh? Really? Silly me. I see the ability to go outside and walk in the fresh air as a gift. I reminded her, I'm the gal who use to weigh 388 pounds. I'm all to familiar with restlessness nights of sleep because of too much abdomen girth. I too avoided physical activity like the plague when I was morbidly obese. I did not want to walk and God forbid I work up a sweat. Turns out I love to do both now.

My unsolicited raw opinion: Too many of us are sitting around letting our lives pass us by. We won't walk to the mailbox that is 300 ft. We drive to the grocery store that is less than a mile. We eat processed, crappy so-called food because it's convenient. What's worse, we won't even be inconvenienced to get out of the car to get our so-called crappy food. We drive-up and drive-thru. Sadly, most of us don't know how to prepare/cook a meal using fresh, whole ingredients. Most of us don't know how to cut-up a whole chicken We forgot that chickens even have bones. We find it perfectly acceptable to eat our vegetables and fruit from cans. We take a pill for every ailment, when the truth is a little exercise probably would do the trick Our health and well-being is at stake and we're in denial. Or is that we just our too lazy to do anything about it? A healthy lifestyle has a price tag, but so does the crappy, convenient lifestyle.

My forty something year old aunt had a massive heart attack about a month ago. She's obese, eats like crap, and does not exercise. A recipe for disaster. She was hospitalized for several days and even was confined to the ICU for a spell. Heart disease runs in her family.  Her father died of a massive heart attack before the age of 50. You would think that would be reason enough to take better care of herself. She left the hospital with a bag full of meds and a schedule in which she should take them. Of course, the doctors also prescribed a healthier diet and exercise. Popping the pills is the route she has decided to take. Another short-term solution for a much bigger problem. A problem that probably can be resolved with some effort on her part. The way I see it, she's very fortunate to have walked out of the hospital.

In both of the scenarios I've shared with you, the writing is clear. These are people I know and love. For some reason my message is not getting through to them. Maybe, by writing this blog post I can reach a few of you. I plead, I beg of you -- take control of your health. What's the worst that can happen? You might actually enjoy exercise? Eating healthy? You may actually feel better? Improve your health? Lose weight? Live longer? Or actually live?

Back to basics

For the past several weeks, I've been busy, busy, busy. Fitness trainer classes, writing and self-publishing a cookbook, teaching cooking classes, motivational speaking, and planning future events. It's no wonder something had to give, that something was me. I made it to the gym all of three times and my eating habits were a little questionable too. I'm happy to say, I was able to maintain my weight and did not gain. It's good to know that I can withstand life events and maintain my weight. But with my goal to lose 70 more pounds I can't rest my laurels here. I still have work to do, plenty of work to do.

One of the things that has changed about me throughout this journey is knowing when I need help and not being afraid to ask for it. I have the desire, motivation, but I need folks to help guide me through. Battling obesity is a tough battle, a battle not to be fought alone. Since I'm a little out of sync yesterday I called my coach to help dial me back in. Him and I came up with my game plan and now it's time I execute. I need not worry about the past several weeks. I need only to refocus my efforts and go back to the basics.

I've said this before I'm no contestant on an edited reality TV show. I'm not farmed away at some camp where I have chefs preparing my meals and personal trainers working me out around the clock. Nor do I have the luxury of not dealing with everyday life in the process. I'm right in the thick of life. Trying to create a healthier, fitter life all while maintaining life. There are bumps and I have to learn how to maneuver them. 170 pounds lighter and I still find myself having to come up with new ways to maneuver the bumps. Truthfully, the more weight I lose, the fitter I become the bigger the bumps.

What I know for sure: I can and will overcome any obstacles. I get to ask for help. I get to have periods of time when I don't workout. I get to not eat healthy all the time. No matter, I will never, never, never give up. It's time I go back to the basics.

Everything I've Gained

Last night as part of my Wellness Coaching assignment, I completed a "Well-Being Assessment." The assessment addressed the importance, readiness, and confidence in each of the following categories:

• Energy
• Sleep and Stress Management
• Life Satisfaction
• Life Balance 
• Weight
• Exercise
• Nutrition 
• Health Issues
  

I was pleased with my answers to most of the questions. I  seem to have a solid grasp on most areas in my life. I was particularly pleased with the "Weight" category.  It asked you to record: Current weight, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years. As I wrote the decreasing numbers on each line I relished how much hard work and dedication I have put into losing weight and maintaining my weight loss. The weight loss directly correlates to me feeling better about myself, gives me a brighter prospective, and enhances my overall livelihood. I'm so very happy that I made the decision to confront my weight. Taking the assessment helped me put into prospective all that I've really achieved by losing the weight and taking a holistic approach to my health. I've said this many times before,  "It's not what I've lost, but everything I've gained."

Baggage

I opened my third motivational speech on Friday by holding up my old jumbo jeans. A baby Rhino could easily fit in those jumbo jeans and oh wee they are heavy. All jokes aside. Those jeans bring back some pretty horrific memories for me. Memories of a lazy, unenthused, unhappy, bitter, person trapped inside of an enormous body. I longed for more, but couldn't find a way out.

I tell you this has been the hardest battle I've ever fought: layers of emotional stuff, 175 lbs., countless inches.  In my speech, I credited hard work, staying the course, making adjustments, believing in myself, and never giving up. All of which have made me successful, but there's more to it. Those are tangible things, it's the intangible, the unexplainable inner strength that propels me. That's the one thing, I can't help others with. I'm currently, taking a Wellness Coaching class and so far after three weeks, the textbooks don't seem to provide the answer either. I say all this to say, I don't really know how I came to find the courage, strength, and determination to battle obesity head on. I can say, however, I'm so much happier for it. I'll never return to that dark, miserable, self-loathing place. I no longer wear those jumbo jeans or any of the emotional baggage. I wish I could give all those who are trapped the magic answer. Flip the switch, but it's something internal. Maybe sharing my story will help others find it too. Meanwhile, I can proudly say, "I use to wear these, but now I wear these."

Believe

People are going to say all sorts of things about you - good and bad. People will think what they think about you - good and bad. That's just life. It's human nature -- I guess. Throughout this journey and in life I've met plenty of folks who have had words of advice for me. Plenty of folks who have doubted me. Last summer, I was working with someone who told me that I was too worried about blogging and needed to focus more on myself if I wanted to get the weight off - read earlier post, "Do You."  Where would I be if I would have listened to her? Not on the front page of The Columbian, live on AM Northwest, and certainly not writing this blog post. Thank goodness, I believed in what I was doing and kept pursuing blogging.

When I was hit by a car and suffered a fractured Tibia in February of this year some folks around me gave up on me. I'm sure, they thought I wouldn't rehab my leg and doubted I could continue to lose weight. My physical therapist said it's unheard of to not gain any weight while rehabbing a fractured leg. Again, within 6 1/2 months I've completely rehabbed a fractured Tibia, remained positive, and lost 15 lbs. How? Because I believe in myself. No matter what others think of me or what they say about me. I know within myself I can do anything I set my mind to.  This battle is mine and mine alone so outside forces and people don't rattle me.

I'm not saying I don't take others advice. Surely, I do, but I take what folks say with a grain of salt. If the information or advice is reasonable, applicable I use it. Otherwise, it's just someone else's opinion. At the end of the day. Everyday, I believe in myself - that is unwavering.

Fit by Forty

The official bid for my quest to be "Fit by Forty" begins! I have exactly one year until my 40th birthday. In order to make my weight goal of 160 lbs. I need to lose an additional 60 lbs. Although I have set the weight goal I realize that it may be the most difficult goal of all to achieve. I know how tricky the human body is so instead of getting all wrapped up in numbers, I will concentrate on things I can control:

• Continue to dial in on the MOST important factor, diet
• Improve my physical endurance by pushing myself a little further in workouts
• Perform more challenging exercises
• Speak kind, positive, affirming words to myself
• Proper rest and recovery - balance
• Laugh and have fun - this is going to be one heck of a ride

On my 40th birthday I plan on being in the best physical, mental, emotional shape of my life. Not Serena William's life or my friend, Katina's life, but MY life. I've haven't been under 200 lbs. for as long as I can remember so I'm not really even sure what I will look like or feel like - so excited to find out. Of course, I will keep you updated with photos, FB updates, and blog posts.