Seeking my best self

Not to dwell on the past, but instead draw from ot for inspiration. I am my best motivator!

2012-2014...I was my healthiest and fittest ever! I want this version of myself back. Not dwelling on the past, simply gonna use it as my motivation. I want this healthy fit lifestyle back!!! I wasn't afraid of any physical challenge...planks, hills, weights, jogging, cycling, swimming, you name it I was about it. I was dialed in, in the kitchen too. Lean protein, lots of green veggies, nuts, seeds, whole grains. I'm my own best motivator! This is soooo doable. This time I'll figure out how to stay healthy and fit for life.

Thankful

Today, I'm thankful to God for giving me the strength, courage, and belief in myself to battle obesity. Battling obesity has been one of the hardest things I've done in my life. And, while I've yet to beat obesity entirely I'm so grateful for the progress I've made. Today, I'm healthier and happier. I know that I couldn't do it without God's Grace and Mercy.

For anyone out there struggling with your weight...YOU can do anything you set your mind to. Take it from someone who knows...I used to weigh 388 pounds and have lost 170 pounds with a change in my attitude, diet, and incorporating exercise.

PRAY to God
BELIEVE you can
LOVE yourself every step of the way
FORGIVE yourself when you stumble
SURROUND yourself with healthy, positive people

The Gym: I don't like it

I've done it again. Fallen off the workout wagon... It's been three weeks since I've taken my scheduled cycling class and two weeks since I've had pool time with Christie. What on earth is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? The short answer, I just don't really like working out. So if anything, any little thing distracts me I get off track. 

Sure working out makes me feel better, increases my energy, helps me sleep sounder, but the physical act of working out -- I just don't like.  And to be truthful since I haven't shed any pounds in forever, I'm even less enthused about working out. I know better than this, all of this, but somehow I'm here again.

I talked to my dear friend who is active and healthy she says she goes through similar phases too. Maybe this is just to be expected, eh? I dunno. I just know that I want to better than this, or do I? Heavy sigh. I'll stop rambling. I'm sure I sound like a broken record. How many times have I been in this place? Geez, when will I come up with a plan I can stick to and enjoy? Back to the drawing board again. I'm reminded of this saying... if you don't like starting over, don't stop.

Other related blog post: 
It's hard
Better for it
Enough

Google life

I just got off the phone with a lifelong friend, Katina (we’re both entrepreneurs). We were talking about work and life while we both were lying on our beds relishing in the fact that we could start our days a little later and to our own beat. She's tired after a long weekend. I’m just tired. The 9-5 business world would say that we should gear up and start the week with a bang, it's Monday after all.

We hung up the phone: She decided she wasn’t going to fight it, but instead was going back to sleep. I headed to the kitchen, made coffee, checked email, and started this FB status, which turned into a blog post. By us starting our days later does that mean that we aren't hard workers? Heck, no! Quite the contrary, we give 200 percent because when we work we are all there.

During our phone call we talked about companies like Google that embrace life, family, and a non-traditional 9-5 workday. It seems to me the 9-5 work day is antiquated and boxes us in. Some folks biologically just do better in the afternoon, some do better with their dog near by, and some do better if they can break away for a power nap in the middle of the day. My point is we all are wired different. We need more companies to recognize that, to embrace that.

One day soon when I come into a position of hiring folks I will embrace differences and look for those who are looking outside of the traditional 9-5 game. I’ll start with a non-traditional method of hiring: an application with only a few questions – core questions, no standard interview either.  My method will seek out those who are willing to work hard and think, really think. Recognizing that some of us aren’t able to work or think innovatively in a standard 9-5 office environment. I say this as I’m sitting on a stability ball at 11:00 a.m. at my home drinking coffee.

While I realize that certain professions will always be 9-5. I also recognize that there will always be folks that are looking to change the game and move us closer to a work style that embraces our everyday lives and that’s where I want to be.

On my path to a healthy, happy life: Mind, Body, and Spirit. I’m always thinking, learning, and growing. Most of the time I move to my own beat even when others looks down on me for doing so.  I’m sure most people would have thrown in the towel long ago.  But, for me I want more than a standard 9-5. Someday when I get to a place where I can, I will bring others along with me that want the same.

The late Steve Jobs said: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition….”

Rest & Routine

To bed when the sun goes down. Rise when the sun comes up. A very basic concept. A concept our ancestors adhered to likely because they didn't have the luxury of electricity. Nonetheless, our biological clocks are wired that way. In this 24-hour, technology driven society, however, rest is dismissed and the importance of sleep often overlooked. We are constantly on-the-go.

Until recently I was guilty of being always on the go, go, go. "I'll sleep when I die," was my motto. Every night I went to bed with my iPhone clutched in hand, feeling the need to answer every text or email right away. Some nights I'd even sleep with the radio on for background noise. I was known to work on projects into the wee hours of the night and I'd proudly update my Facebook status "Burning the midnight oil."

I'm an information junkie. It's the whole journalist thing -- always seeking information. I read lots of magazines, newspapers, browse lots of websites, and I even read pamphlets and brochures that most others wouldn't. Anyway, I've been reading lately about how important sleep is for a number of reasons, but particularly for those trying to lose weight. Hold up. So all these crazy nights of me staying up late "Burning the midnight oil" could be hindering my weight loss efforts? That changes the game. I had to re-evaluate.

As of late, I make it a point to start shutting it down when the sun sets.  I'll admit getting to bed by 9:30 pm no later than 10 o'clock is a little challenging since it's summer and it stays light outside longer. Here's my new way of thinking: If I am unable to complete a task on any given day, it can wait until the next day. That's why there is a next day. Most of my deadlines I've learned are self-imposed. I'm giving myself permission to move the item or items around on my calendar. I've made it a priority, however, to get at least eight hours of sleep a night and a nap during the day when I can.

Since I started my new routine I'm more alert and focused and I've also noticed I get crabby when something interferes with my bedtime. No more of that ridiculous "I'll sleep when I die," mentality. I take sleep seriously. It's the one chance I get to shut my mind and body completely down. Forget about everything. Refresh. Renew. Just as my body needs exercise and proper nutrition it also needs the proper rest and routine.

I'm on a mission to be healthy. My approach to health and wellness is holistic. 

Less Is More

I've said this many times before, my weight loss journey is not only about what I've lost, but what I've gained. This is a journey of self-discovery, learning, and striving to be a better person -- inside and out.

I laugh at myself when I look back at the workout path I've traveled. In the very beginning I knew nothing about working out. I just knew I was overweight, out of shape, and needed to burn calories. My plan of action was to try every machine at the gym. Every class at the gym. It was very typically for me to workout five to six days a week. Sometimes even taking back-to-back weight training and cardio classes. Sometimes being in the gym upward of three to four hours. Insane! Anyone who knows me well knows how I am. I go hard. Once I'm into or onto something fugetaboutit!

My workout craze was just that a craze.  Oh my goodness, I recall the first boot camp class I took. I was about 290 pounds and had only been working out for about a month. Can you say, deconditioned? And to boot, I pumped up a couple of friends and my teenaged daughter to join me. Wow. What  a train wreck! We all made it out, alive -- barely.

When I think about it now, I see how ineffective my workouts really were. I was working out for long periods of time with no focus. No road map. During this time, I got sick with cold/flu like symptoms all the time. Wonder why? My diet was questionable, I rarely got enough sleep, and I overworked the same muscle groups. On and on. So, as workouts were concerned, those workouts were ineffective. But, in retrospect, they were effective in other ways: I was meeting people and making friends at the gym, learning about my body, and my fortitude.

While I am a little disappointed at myself for taking the past six months off from the gym. Honestly, the time away was just what I needed. I needed a break. A reboot. Now I'm more focused. My workouts are my purposeful. Thanks to my hiatus, I realize that it's less about how many days or hours I spend in the gym and more about how I spend the time there. It's also about how I take care of myself in between workouts: eating well, proper rest, etc. Quite frankly, it’s a relief knowing that I don’t have to be at the gym everyday for several hours at a time. Gone are those days. Less is more.

Helpful articles:

Overtraining
Less Is More: Is Too Much Exercise Bad for You?
Why Four Workouts a Week May Be Better Than Six

It's hard

I promise you. You don't want any part of this. Being fat and out of shape that is. If you haven't already -- then don't. Don't come any where near this.
 
Being fat is hard, really hard. Being fat and trying to lose the weight even harder. Being fat, out of shape, trying to lose the weight, and get fit -- brutal.

I've taken many of group exercise classes and I have heard just about every motivational pep talk there is. For some reason though during yesterday's cycling class as my legs felt as if they were going to fall off and I could barely breathe. The instructor's words "Push through," really resonated with me.   "You'll only get stronger if you push through," he said.

Gosh darn it! He's right. If I want to, if anyone wants to get to the next level, the next phase, they'll have to withstand some amount of pain. They'll have to push through. I guess, that's exactly why I'm still here. Pushing through is hard.

Truthfully, I don't want to eat any healthier than I'm already eating. I don't want to say goodbye to my signature homemade chocolate chip cookies or my lazy Sunday morning breakfasts involving thick sliced pepper bacon. And quite frankly, I don't want to workout any harder either. It hurts.

So, folks, when you see an overweight, out of shape person and you think to yourself, "Why don't they just lose weight?" Take it from one of those overweight, out of shape people -- It's hard. It's hard to say goodbye to all the bad habits and embrace the good ones. Despite the negative stigma that comes along with being fat and the health concerns -- losing weight -- is hard. 

Typically, I like to end with something motivating, uplifting. But, I'm afraid there's nothing motivating and uplifting about these truths: Losing weight is hard. Getting fit is equally as hard. Pushing through is the hardest.

Stereotyped - Deficiency

I love working for myself and the advantages certainly outweigh the disadvantages, but one of the cons is not having health insurance.

So, for months I've been suffering from a condition that became unbearable. The corners of my mouth were cracked and bleeding and my tongue! My tongue had a indescribable, painful burning sensation and it was covered with white icky stuff. I'll stop there. I thought maybe I was allergic to some food item so I started experimenting with staying away from certain things, but no luck. I researched possible conditions online (the wrong thing to do) and was convinced that I was dying. Not only did I have this urgent condition, but since I turned 40 this summer I'm in need of a mammogram and an overall physical. Heavy sigh. What's a girl to do?

I done some research and found a clinic that accepts a $40 copay and then works on a sliding fee. Score! I finally was going to get to the bottom of this burning, icky tongue and maybe get a physical too. By the time my appointment came around last Monday I could only concentrate on the tongue issue -- I was in so much pain.

The visit:

The medical assistant completed the initial check-in: Weight (that scale has to be broke!), height (I shrunk I'm now only 5'2), temperature, blood pressure (a little high), and purpose of visit.

Moments later the doctor showed up. As the doctor looked over my chart she noticed my blood pressure was a little high. I assured her that wasn't typical for me. She replied, "Oh, that's pretty common for people around here." I'm thinking, "Hmm... people around here." Anyhow, I went on to tell her my symptoms. She examined my mouth, but of course the white icky stuff wasn't visible. Don't you hate when that happens? I figured that might happen so I had taken a photo one day when it was totally inflamed. She wasn't able to discern much from the photo. But mentioned that folks with diabetes can get fungal infections so she would test me for diabetes. I'm thinking: "Oh yeah, of course I'm black and fat so I have high blood pressure and diabetes too. How stereotypical." I kept my comment to myself, but I did joke with her and told her if I have diabetes I was going to be really ticked. I worked so hard to lose weight to improve my health and after all this hard work now I develop diabetes. No way!

Anyway, the good news -- I'm not dying and I don't have diabetes (I knew it couldn't be possible!) but my blood work indicates I'm anemic. That explains the elevated blood pressure, tongue and mouth issue.  A normal Hemoglobin score is 12.0 - 16.0, I scored 7.5. The doctor was pretty concerned about such a low score and feels if the number doesn't raise with the help of the iron pills she prescribed I may need a blood transfusion.  Yes, it's that serious. Wow. I'm so glad I got to the bottom of it and it's treatable.

Once I found out that I was anemic, I researched my condition and it all makes sense -- I have most of the symptoms: Numbness or coldness in hands and feet, burning tongue, cracked corners of mouth, brittle nails, shortness of breath, rapid heart beat, fatigue (very common), weakness (very common), dizziness, and headaches. Come to find out lots of folks suffer from iron deficiencies about 3.5 million and it's very common in women.

I'm sure the doctor meant no harm when she stereotyped me as having diabetes. I mean she sees lots of people who look like me (brown skinned and overweight) and they typically have diabetes. She wasn't at all rude about it and she ordered the necessary tests, which revealed my iron deficiency. So really that's all that matters.

For those who are without health insurance in the Clark County area and are in need of health care -- check out, SeaMar Community Health Center they may be able to see you on a sliding fee scale.

Still Contract

I've lost a lot of weight, 170 pounds to be exact. I don't claim to be supernatural or anything. I know, I know. All this time you've been thinking I possessed some kind of supernatural powers. The truth is, anyone can do it. It's really just a matter of setting your mind to it. But there's the rub -- the hardest part is setting your mind to it.

For me, I was forced into this period of stillness by a series of unfortunate events -- the loss of my boyfriend, job, and car -- all in a six week period of time. So there I was all by my lonesome. Sitting still. During those still moments, I heard a nagging voice. A voice I probably would have otherwise never heard zipping around, multi-tasking in the everyday fast paced world. During those still moments, I made up my mind for once and for all (Get it--For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!).

I didn't squander this time. Instead, I recognized this time off as an opportunity and so I used the time to my advantage. I started taking walks around the neighborhood, in part, to keep me from going insane. Those walks, however, soon became my -- me time. When I wasn't out walking I spent a lot of time just sitting still. No TV, no computer, just quiet, still time to really mull things over. I envisioned the person I wanted to be. In retrospect, I was creating a mental vision board. Slowly, but surely, I started making small changes.

I'll admit, at first, I didn't really have a plan. I just took some random steps. But, overtime my steps, my actions became more deliberate. The more small successes I accomplished the bigger the steps I was able to take. I started believing in myself. Wellness coaches call that -- self-efficacy.

Once I started believing in myself. There was no stopping me, there is no stopping me. The way I see it, when I enter into a business arrangement with someone I take the time to mull over the contract. Then if I agree to the contract, I sign the contract. So that's what I've done to shed the pounds and find myself.

My word is my bond. I do what I say I'm going to do and if I can't do it best believe there is a really compelling reason why. I certainly don't go around just willy nilly breaking contracts with others. So the same holds true with the contracts I sign with myself. I sign on the dotted line and commit to myself. It's me first, not in a selfish way, but in a selfish way (a whole 'nother blog post for a whole 'nother time).

Hey, I'm proof...You can do anything you set your mind to. So if you have areas in your life that you are looking to change. Might I suggest -- sit still with yourself, sign a contract with yourself, and set your mind to it!

Three weeks difference

This actually happened a few weeks ago right before I came down with the flu. A must share…
 
I was having a bad day. A really bad day. The last few days, my mind had been full of the negative self-talk combined with self-doubt. I’d been working out hard for weeks and eating clean as I possibly could. I was really questioning myself, my efforts.  Maybe this is it for me. Maybe this is goal weight and I just need to face it. Maybe there is no Next Level, Fit by Forty.

I lost five pounds the first week I started training with Northwest Personal Training, but then the scale was fluctuating and not necessarily in my favor. I looked in the mirror and wanted to smash it out of pure disgust. Especially, the studio mirrors. My goodness!

On this particular day I really, really didn’t like what I saw. Sorry. I know, I’m supposed to be your positive role model, your real example. I’d be remiss though not to share my true feelings. I’ve said this umpteen times it’s more than a battle of obesity it’s a battle of self. Day in, day out.  

Any of you who have met me, know how dramatic and animated I am. Well, if Kara, (Fitness Director at NWPT) didn’t know this about me -- she knows now. I ran into her outside the studio that day as we both were headed to our cars. Poor Kara, I went on a tirade about how this wasn’t working out. How I didn’t think I could do it anymore. How I’m sick of being the fattest person in the room.  Blah, blah...Kara entertained my crazy and let me get it all out. With a very straight, but warm face, she asked: “How long have you been working out with us?” 

Me: “Three weeks.”

Kara: “Oh, three weeks?”

When she repeated out loud “three weeks” I just started laughing. It sounded so ridiculous. I had been working out consistently and eating clean for three weeks. Three whole weeks. Sometimes I too lose sight of how much it really takes to shed the pounds. More importantly, to be fit, to be healthy.  Three weeks is not enough time to see the type of results I’m looking for. Deep down, I know better than that, but still sometimes I get caught up. I'm no different, in that respect, I want it now.

Kara went on to say, “Chrisetta, most people would give up. You though, you keep coming. You keep trying. We’re glad you’re here, trying.”  She’s absolutely right. Sure, sometimes I let the negative self-talk get the best of me, and I‘m a little unrealistic about where I should be.  The difference is, no matter -- I keep suiting up, I keep trying.

- 5

I'm operating on a -5. Anyone who knows me, knows how passionate and enthusiastic I am -- especially when I believe in something, I get pumped UP. My voice raises and I just get to talk...talk....talking. Whew! I get that from my dad's side - The Mosley's. My dad jokingly says I'm reserved and that I'm really operating on -5, go figure. Anyway, I'm really, really super passionate about my bid for a healthy, fit lifestyle. And, I want to share that passion. I do that in a number of ways: blogging,  motivational speaking, cooking classes, speaking to anyone and everyone that will listen, Facebook, etc.

Daily, I'm trying to make connections to promote my ideas for healthy living to the community.  I have tons of connections and plenty of folks who believe in my ideas, which I'm grateful for, but not everyone is as passionate about trying to do the same things I am. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes I get discouraged. I think I have great ideas. I want to share my knowledge and help people. I pitch my ideas all the time and then I get no call back, no respond to my emails, or I get told not at this time or just no. I've come to the realization that my passion, my beliefs, my desires are just that -- mine. Surely, folks may share some of my passion to a certain extent, but not quite my way. I'm operating on a -5, which for most people is off the richter scale.

Healthy

I've been fighting the flu for the last couple of days and so far it's winning. Body aching, head pounding, and feeling oh so sorry for self. I started thinking, I'm so very grateful for my health. Sure, every now and again I have some minor aches and pains, I may get a cold, the flu, a headache or stomach ache. But no chronic pain, diseases, or conditions. Some people have conditions or diseases where they have to take medication regularly,  injections, chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and they may go to bed and wake up in chronic pain. My heart goes out to those folks. Lying in bed sick the last couple of days has made me appreciate my health even more. Now, flu crude be gone I have work to do.

What a Difference a year makes

In the fall of 2009 after a trifecta of unfortunate events I decided to take control of my life. It's been a rewarding, challenging journey. I've said this before,  it's not only about my outer appearance -- this is a transformation from the inside out. I look to many other factors besides the scale. I'm taking a holistic approach to my health. This is a lifestyle change so there is no end date and I'm not really sure what my ultimate goal is. I want to live a healthy, active, happy life forever.

I'm a work in progress... I look forward to more positive changes in the year ahead.

"Life isn't about find yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

10-31-10

10-31-11

10-31-09

Privilege

As I gaze around my Wellness Coaching class. I see a room full of white, privileged students. I've been in this situation before when I earned my bachelor's degree from Seattle University.  Back then, however, I didn't really fit in, I was a miserable 388 lbs. I was withdrawn and afraid to speak up in class. The students were running circles around me, intellectually and physically.

No longer. I'm a part of the circle. The only thing separating me now from the others in class, is the color of my brown skin. Otherwise, I'm right there with them. I pack healthful snacks: mini peppers, apples, carrots. I tote a SIGG water bottle. I sport athletic attire too. I'm alert. I ask questions. I'm engaged in thought and in conversation. I'm healthy, fit and the more I think about it, I realize how privileged I am.

Worthy: Fish oil supplements




The brand I've been using

After reading about the positive benefits of omega-3 fatty acids and realizing that I just don't eat enough fish to reap the benefits. I decided to start taking fish oil supplements. Of course, there are articles and information out there that also discount the benefits of actually taking the supplements, but...What I've noticed so far is: my hair's growing and my complexion is flawless.

Here's a look at some of the long term benefits:

• Lowers blood triglyceride levels
• Reduces the risk of heart attack
• Reduces the risk of dangerous abnormal heart rhythms
• Reduces the risk of strokes
• Slows the buildup of atherosclerotic plaques
• Lowers blood pressure
• Reduces stiffness and joint tenderness associated with Rheumatoid arthritis

An omega 3 fish oil supplement may also help improve or prevent the following:

• Cancer
• Alzheimer’s disease and dementia
• Depression
• Heart disease
• ADHD
• Diabetes
• Hyperactivity
• Arthritis

When possible I want nutrients to come straight from the source -- food, but in this case chock full of omega-3 fatty acids I feel fish oil supplements are a worthy choice.

I'm Worth It, You're Worth It!

There's no price tag on my health, my livelihood. My gym membership dues are a mandatory part of my budget. Working out makes me feel good.  Eating Cage Free 100% Vegetarian Fed Eggs is a must. They just taste better.

Last summer, I wrote a post "I'm Worth It." where I mentioned how my mother complained about me spending nearly $8.00 for asparagus. A similar situation occurred recently.  I had the pleasure of shopping with my friend's mother. I was  introducing her to some healthy items she could have on stock in her pantry and fridge to whip up healthy meals. Well, she was a little reluctant to spend on some of the items. We were shopping at Chuck's Produce  and they are a little upscale. So they will have some sales, but most things are a little spendy. The way I explained it to her was simple -- you're worth it. It's just a couple dollars more and the quality of these items are noticeable.  When you buy organic you can tell the difference. Organic food is better for you and it simply tastes better. She decided to splurge on some items that day that she would have normally not bought. Ha. She even went all out and bought an Organic salad dressing. So next time your conflicted about the price tag of your health - stop -- you're worth it!  

I am fat, I am not fat - Thank you

About nine years old already deep in a battle with obesity

I've said this many times before I can not lose this weight in silence. Losing 170 + lbs. is no small feat. I've been told by two personal trainers that most people won't start what I finish. I finish because of a great desire, a crazy amount of will that propels me to keep going, but I can't do this without writing. As a child, I always liked to craft stories. I use to read books endlessly as a result I had a wild imagination so I would write wild stories. I LOVE words. I love manipulating them. I love the English language and all of the nuances. So as an adult, I went to college in my late twenties and received a degree in journalism. I found though that I really didn't like journalism writing much there's no room for my voice or creativity.

Anyway, I started writing this blog because I wanted to publicly document my journey, share my story. I never imagined that sharing my story would actually be cathartic for me. In retrospect, perhaps I really started writing because I don't know any other way. Those wild stories I use to write as a child where my brief escape from my childhood and penning my lifetime battle with obesity is my escape now.

I've been obese since I can remember and so losing this weight is not about just losing the weight. I have layers, upon layers of emotional, spiritual damage to repair. I'm learning how to love myself. Truly, love myself. There are no quick fixes for this. This is my life. I'm trying to figure out new ways to handle things without turning to food. I'm trying to create a healthy relationship with food and exercise. When I write to y'all it is raw. I mean what I say, these are my true feelings. So sometimes I may seem a little contradictory, unbalanced -- I am. I am fat. I am not fat. I am thin. I don't want to be thin. I am everything in between. Bear with me, I am trying to finding myself and this is the only way that I know how.

Thank you all for allowing me to document my journey, share my story. I can not do this alone nor do I want to . True, I've never met most of you, but knowing that you're out there encouraging me, offering your kind words and advice gives me the strength to go on. "You're my hero. You inspire me. ...When you share with the rest of us, we all gain a little something too." Your words keep me going on days when I can't find it internally. I'm telling y'all what I'm about to do is big. I am going to turn childhood obesity statistics upside down. Not many people beat childhood obesity once they become adults. It's usually just too late. All of you get to say you helped me. Thank you for helping me. The day we reach the finish line is going to be sweet victory. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

Scared and a little stupid

Yesterday, I really stupidly pushed my limits. I mean, I woke up faint and dizzy – but still proceeded to get dressed to go to the gym. Not only did I force myself to go the gym, but since I was running late I decided to skip breakfast too. Huh? Really? Is it that serious?

Yes, it is kind of that serious. Here’s why…I’m scared. I’m scared if I miss a day at the gym. One day missed may turn into two days and then who knows I may just not ever go back.

I’m scared that if I start making excuses about why I can’t make it to the gym. Everyday there’ll be a new excuse and eventually I’ll stop going.

I’m scared that one slice of pumpkin loaf will turn into two slices, or worse the whole loaf, and then I’ll be right back into my old gross eating habits.

I’m scared. And my fears are getting the best of me.

Throughout this journey to overcome obesity, I’ve endured a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. Suffice it to say, battling obesity is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. This isn’t just about me loosing a few pounds after giving birth to a child. Nor is it about me loosing just a few pounds. To date, I’ve lost 148 lbs. and still would like to loose 70 more. So…this is about me breaking through a lifetime of barriers. This is about me saying goodbye to a ton of bad habits and replacing them with new ones. This is about me changing my ENTIRE lifestyle. This is all so new to me. I’m trying to figure out how to live a healthy, active lifestyle. And, not withstanding all my enthusiasm I need to learn to be more realistic. An old and dear friend of mine gave me some good advice. She told me I need to stop and listen to my body. She went on to say that, I’ve made some tremendous changes and I need to learn and embrace my new body. I need to learn the new Chrisetta. My new body has different needs and just because I’m more fit than I once was this new body still needs rest. She knows me really well and she feels that I’m going at it a little bit too hard. And, perhaps I’m becoming obsessed with this new lifestyle and maybe just, maybe I should back down a little and not to take it so serious. It is after all a lifestyle change. Hmm…

This is uncharted territory for me. I’m figuring this all out by trial and error. Here’s what I know for sure:

• I love myself and I will never ever return to that dark, miserable, lonely place where food is my only comfort.
• I have to learn to be patient with myself and listen to my body.
• I need to find a way to balance my life, diet, exercise, work, family, and friends.

Lastly, I’m scared and sometimes a little stupid, but no doubt I will figure this all out. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

...In with the NEW!

I've been cleaning out my closets - literally. and reflecting on my lifelong battle with obesity. Now, since the clothes are cleared out, let's be clear -- I'm still on a mission. I’m bound and determined to live a healthy, active lifestyle. So no matter what obstacles I face throughout this journey, I will find a productive, healthy way to maneuver around them. Hate to toot my own horn, but so far I think I’m doing a superb job! Check out the photos. Tell me what y’all think. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

The Old

                            

JUMBO jeans are "OUT"!

The New

The "IN" thing - jeggings!