Better for it

It's a love/hate relationship. Despite not really like working out. I like working out. Yeah, I know that's a contradictory statement. Allow me to try and explain.

The physical act of working out I don't necessarily like so much. I mean huffing, puffing, sweating. Eeew. And for me cardio is the worse. Sure, there may be break through moments when I feel invigorated as I ride up a steep hill. Or when I'm on the treadmill and I get the runner's high. But mostly working out for me is no fun. I can think of many other things I'd rather do, for starters -- sleep in. I faithfully wake up at 4:15 a.m. at least three times a week to go to the gym. Why? Oh, why?

See the thing is I lived most of my life overweight and sedentary. It wasn't until 2009 I started a bid to lose weight and take control of my health. Over the course of the last four years I strung together about three and a half solid years of working out consistently. After stumbling and falling off the workout wagon, read a previous post here I now realize how important working out is to me. I never want to return to that sedentary lifestyle ever, ever again.

Despite the huffing, puffing, sweating, and overall discomfort -- working out makes me feel better. My outlook, my perspective is more positive when I exercise. I'm more upbeat, energetic. I move better. I sleep better. I'm more focused. I think better.  I am better. So, today I realize that I don't particularly like working out and it probably won't get easier, read a previous post here, but I workout it because overall I'm better for it -- mentally, physically, emotionally.

Repost: From Within

Once a miserable 388 pounds, I decided I loved myself enough to try. Try to be better. Be happier, be healthier, and lose the weight. All the weight: emotional, spiritual, physical.

When you're in a dark, cold space trapped under 388 pounds light seems non-existent. I traveled many dark, foggy tunnels before I saw a glimpse of light. I had a negative spirit, negative attitude, and a negative outlook. In the depths of darkness, however, there was a nagging voice within, telling me: I deserved more. I was worthy. I could be better. After sitting still with myself and some serious soul searching I was able to hear that voice loud and clear. The voice within instructed me to stop wallowing in my pity, put my thoughts to action, and create the life I envisioned for myself.  The voice within gave me hope, courage, and belief. The voice is the very reason I was able to see my way out of the dark, foggy tunnel. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Today, I stand in the light. 

Originally posted on December 30, 2011

Criss-Cross Applesauce

Being overweight makes some physical things difficult. A basic everyday task like picking something up off the floor can cause a scene for an overweight person. At my heaviest weight of 388 pounds somethings would have to just stay on the floor until someone else offered to pick it up for me. Sad, I know.  Now that I've lost weight it's gotten much easier, but I still am unable to kneel.

Kneeling for most "normal" sized folks seems like an easy task. But, think about it kneeling is virtually a very deep squat. If you have excess weight on your body it becomes more difficult. If I have to grab something out of the bottom drawer or off the bottom shelf instead of  kneeling, I bend. Bending is much easier on my knees, but it's incorrect form. The more active I've become I notice stuff like that. I'm always envious when I see someone kneel down with ease. I think to myself one day, I'll be able to do that too.

Another simple function that I have on my to-do-list is to sit comfortably in criss-cross applesauce position. Again, I can do it, but it's a little problematic. It's the getting up and down off the floor that causes me havoc.

As most of you know, I never learned how to ride a bike because my weight hindered me (read previous blog post here). Today, with my new active lifestyle and renewed spirit, I'm ready to conquer riding a bike. I've decided that no matter what I want to do in life - big or small - I'm just going to go for it. So no more waiting around until I'm smaller, fitter; the time is now.  I'm going make it a point to kneel instead of bend. My wobbly knees will have to eventually get use to it. And, I'm going to practice sitting in criss-cross applesauce more often too.

Stereotyped - Deficiency

I love working for myself and the advantages certainly outweigh the disadvantages, but one of the cons is not having health insurance.

So, for months I've been suffering from a condition that became unbearable. The corners of my mouth were cracked and bleeding and my tongue! My tongue had a indescribable, painful burning sensation and it was covered with white icky stuff. I'll stop there. I thought maybe I was allergic to some food item so I started experimenting with staying away from certain things, but no luck. I researched possible conditions online (the wrong thing to do) and was convinced that I was dying. Not only did I have this urgent condition, but since I turned 40 this summer I'm in need of a mammogram and an overall physical. Heavy sigh. What's a girl to do?

I done some research and found a clinic that accepts a $40 copay and then works on a sliding fee. Score! I finally was going to get to the bottom of this burning, icky tongue and maybe get a physical too. By the time my appointment came around last Monday I could only concentrate on the tongue issue -- I was in so much pain.

The visit:

The medical assistant completed the initial check-in: Weight (that scale has to be broke!), height (I shrunk I'm now only 5'2), temperature, blood pressure (a little high), and purpose of visit.

Moments later the doctor showed up. As the doctor looked over my chart she noticed my blood pressure was a little high. I assured her that wasn't typical for me. She replied, "Oh, that's pretty common for people around here." I'm thinking, "Hmm... people around here." Anyhow, I went on to tell her my symptoms. She examined my mouth, but of course the white icky stuff wasn't visible. Don't you hate when that happens? I figured that might happen so I had taken a photo one day when it was totally inflamed. She wasn't able to discern much from the photo. But mentioned that folks with diabetes can get fungal infections so she would test me for diabetes. I'm thinking: "Oh yeah, of course I'm black and fat so I have high blood pressure and diabetes too. How stereotypical." I kept my comment to myself, but I did joke with her and told her if I have diabetes I was going to be really ticked. I worked so hard to lose weight to improve my health and after all this hard work now I develop diabetes. No way!

Anyway, the good news -- I'm not dying and I don't have diabetes (I knew it couldn't be possible!) but my blood work indicates I'm anemic. That explains the elevated blood pressure, tongue and mouth issue.  A normal Hemoglobin score is 12.0 - 16.0, I scored 7.5. The doctor was pretty concerned about such a low score and feels if the number doesn't raise with the help of the iron pills she prescribed I may need a blood transfusion.  Yes, it's that serious. Wow. I'm so glad I got to the bottom of it and it's treatable.

Once I found out that I was anemic, I researched my condition and it all makes sense -- I have most of the symptoms: Numbness or coldness in hands and feet, burning tongue, cracked corners of mouth, brittle nails, shortness of breath, rapid heart beat, fatigue (very common), weakness (very common), dizziness, and headaches. Come to find out lots of folks suffer from iron deficiencies about 3.5 million and it's very common in women.

I'm sure the doctor meant no harm when she stereotyped me as having diabetes. I mean she sees lots of people who look like me (brown skinned and overweight) and they typically have diabetes. She wasn't at all rude about it and she ordered the necessary tests, which revealed my iron deficiency. So really that's all that matters.

For those who are without health insurance in the Clark County area and are in need of health care -- check out, SeaMar Community Health Center they may be able to see you on a sliding fee scale.