The Gym: I don't like it

I've done it again. Fallen off the workout wagon... It's been three weeks since I've taken my scheduled cycling class and two weeks since I've had pool time with Christie. What on earth is wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself? The short answer, I just don't really like working out. So if anything, any little thing distracts me I get off track. 

Sure working out makes me feel better, increases my energy, helps me sleep sounder, but the physical act of working out -- I just don't like.  And to be truthful since I haven't shed any pounds in forever, I'm even less enthused about working out. I know better than this, all of this, but somehow I'm here again.

I talked to my dear friend who is active and healthy she says she goes through similar phases too. Maybe this is just to be expected, eh? I dunno. I just know that I want to better than this, or do I? Heavy sigh. I'll stop rambling. I'm sure I sound like a broken record. How many times have I been in this place? Geez, when will I come up with a plan I can stick to and enjoy? Back to the drawing board again. I'm reminded of this saying... if you don't like starting over, don't stop.

Other related blog post: 
It's hard
Better for it
Enough

Better for it

It's a love/hate relationship. Despite not really like working out. I like working out. Yeah, I know that's a contradictory statement. Allow me to try and explain.

The physical act of working out I don't necessarily like so much. I mean huffing, puffing, sweating. Eeew. And for me cardio is the worse. Sure, there may be break through moments when I feel invigorated as I ride up a steep hill. Or when I'm on the treadmill and I get the runner's high. But mostly working out for me is no fun. I can think of many other things I'd rather do, for starters -- sleep in. I faithfully wake up at 4:15 a.m. at least three times a week to go to the gym. Why? Oh, why?

See the thing is I lived most of my life overweight and sedentary. It wasn't until 2009 I started a bid to lose weight and take control of my health. Over the course of the last four years I strung together about three and a half solid years of working out consistently. After stumbling and falling off the workout wagon, read a previous post here I now realize how important working out is to me. I never want to return to that sedentary lifestyle ever, ever again.

Despite the huffing, puffing, sweating, and overall discomfort -- working out makes me feel better. My outlook, my perspective is more positive when I exercise. I'm more upbeat, energetic. I move better. I sleep better. I'm more focused. I think better.  I am better. So, today I realize that I don't particularly like working out and it probably won't get easier, read a previous post here, but I workout it because overall I'm better for it -- mentally, physically, emotionally.

Three weeks difference

This actually happened a few weeks ago right before I came down with the flu. A must share…
 
I was having a bad day. A really bad day. The last few days, my mind had been full of the negative self-talk combined with self-doubt. I’d been working out hard for weeks and eating clean as I possibly could. I was really questioning myself, my efforts.  Maybe this is it for me. Maybe this is goal weight and I just need to face it. Maybe there is no Next Level, Fit by Forty.

I lost five pounds the first week I started training with Northwest Personal Training, but then the scale was fluctuating and not necessarily in my favor. I looked in the mirror and wanted to smash it out of pure disgust. Especially, the studio mirrors. My goodness!

On this particular day I really, really didn’t like what I saw. Sorry. I know, I’m supposed to be your positive role model, your real example. I’d be remiss though not to share my true feelings. I’ve said this umpteen times it’s more than a battle of obesity it’s a battle of self. Day in, day out.  

Any of you who have met me, know how dramatic and animated I am. Well, if Kara, (Fitness Director at NWPT) didn’t know this about me -- she knows now. I ran into her outside the studio that day as we both were headed to our cars. Poor Kara, I went on a tirade about how this wasn’t working out. How I didn’t think I could do it anymore. How I’m sick of being the fattest person in the room.  Blah, blah...Kara entertained my crazy and let me get it all out. With a very straight, but warm face, she asked: “How long have you been working out with us?” 

Me: “Three weeks.”

Kara: “Oh, three weeks?”

When she repeated out loud “three weeks” I just started laughing. It sounded so ridiculous. I had been working out consistently and eating clean for three weeks. Three whole weeks. Sometimes I too lose sight of how much it really takes to shed the pounds. More importantly, to be fit, to be healthy.  Three weeks is not enough time to see the type of results I’m looking for. Deep down, I know better than that, but still sometimes I get caught up. I'm no different, in that respect, I want it now.

Kara went on to say, “Chrisetta, most people would give up. You though, you keep coming. You keep trying. We’re glad you’re here, trying.”  She’s absolutely right. Sure, sometimes I let the negative self-talk get the best of me, and I‘m a little unrealistic about where I should be.  The difference is, no matter -- I keep suiting up, I keep trying.

Sweat does the body good

Nothing like a good sweaty workout. The more I sweat in a workout, the more accomplished I feel. Ooo wee! I love when I'm riding hard in cycling and drips of sweat hit the floor. That hasn't always been the case.

When I was a bigger gal my internal thermostat always ran hot. Walking at a normal pace caused me to break out in a serious sweat. Beads of sweat would form on my nose -- so embarrassing. I hated that. And working out as a bigger gal caused my thermostat to run real hot, much hotter than everyone else.  I'd be on the treadmill, sweating profusely and huffing and puffing. Sure, others were sweating too, but it was all that internal, negative stuff...I felt like everyone was staring at me because I was the big gal. I felt so, so embarrassed.

Those days are behind me. My internal thermostat runs average and I no longer sweat from a normal walk. I do, however, still sweat profusely from working out, but -- duh, I'm suppose to sweat; I'm working out. I'm breathing harder, exerting energy, working muscles.

I read recently in an article that sweating is our body's way of:

• Regulating body temperature
• Releasing toxins and impurities (think steam room, sauna)
• Increasing metabolism

So, these days, I welcome beads of sweat. Sweating does the body good.

Takin' it to the streets

Surprise! Surprise! Mid-way through this morning's boot camp we took our drills to the streets. It was kinda cool. Refreshing.

Our first drill was to sprint a block then drop for 10 push-ups, repeat x 4. Back to the studio for drills including burpees, chopping wood exercises, and ski monologues (I think that's what Jenna called them). Then, back outdoors for another drill this time partnered up: Running up the hill with thick rubber band around our waist partner pulling behind us for resistance. These exercises can be performed indoors, but being outside changes the dynamics of the workout. The pavement has cracks and grooves. Making it a more challenging workout. It's kinda nice to mix things up and get some fresh air.

Never the same workout at Northwest Personal Training they are full of surprises. I'm diggin' my new training studio -- they take it to the streets.

Healthy and sick

I pride myself on working out, eating whole fresh foods, and resting -- the key ingredients to health.

Such as life, there are periods were my habits are better, more consistent than others. The last few weeks, I found myself really dialed in on all areas. I was feeling really good everything was going swell.  Working out hard with my new training team, Northwest Personal Training, really mindful of my food choices, and proper rest every night. I even made sure to take a day off from exercising mid-week. Being extra-cautious not to burn myself out.

I was on a roll. The blog's readership hit 25,000, working on a real huge project, cookbook signing at Clark College, and coordinating the FRESH viewing at the library.


Then out of nowhere...Bitten by the flu bug. Bitten hard by the flu bug. It's been awful. Not only the physical discomforts: Body aches, chills, coughing, fever, and loss of appetite. There's something about being sick that makes me feel so vulnerable. So weak.

I've been sidelined for the past two weeks. No interest in blogging, food, or much of anything.  I'm slowly regaining my strength and my smile is back too. Being sick has surely made me appreciate my good health all the more. Even the healthiest people get sick sometimes.

It doesn't

When it comes to working out some days certainly are easier than others. I’ve been working out now on a regularly basis for a couple of years. I think, I’m relatively fit and can hold my own in most workouts.

The other day, I was in cycling class, riding. It was a hard ride – one of those days where it took everything I had to propel my legs around. But, once I’m seated, I ride for the entire class – no matter. Finally, I was at the point of exhaustion. Pure frustration. Labored breathing, sweating, butt throbbing – I screamed out, “When does this get easier?” In a very matter of fact tone, everyone including, Ted the trainer shouted back, “It doesn’t.”

Huh? What? It’s going to be like this always? Forever? Talking about taking the wind out of my sail. For so long, my goal has been to become fit for many reasons. In particular, I thought that once I was fit the workouts would become easier. So that’s why the response of everyone in class “It doesn’t” really rocked my conscious.

I’m a huge professional tennis fan. Serena Williams is my girl. Finesse, grit, and a wicked serve. It dawned on me, as great of a player as she is, as fit as she is. She still becomes fatigued. She still has hard days. I’ve watched her play some incredible matches. I’ve seen the physical, mental strength it took for her to compete. Some days she leaves the court in victory. Other days her victory was simply fighting through it. Okay, sure my workouts are not on this level, but it’s the same principal, the same fortitude.

Here’s what I've concluded: It’s not so much that we feel good while we’re doing it. It’s that we feel good because we do it. So we keep doing it. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month…It doesn’t get any easier. It just becomes more a part of our lives.

We know what’s at stake if we don’t do it. So we keep doing it. On our own free will. On our own accord.

"It doesn't get easier. You get stronger."

Training for life

The other day I was completing a fitness evaluation that asked if I was training for an event. My answer, "Life." I understand the question was meant to determine if the person completing the evaluation was training for a marathon, triathlon, or another special event. But, the way I see it-- life is a special event.

I workout because I want to be stronger, fitter, and live a better quality of life while I'm around.  I want to walk, run, bend, stretch effortlessly. A long time from now, when I have grandchildren I want to be able to run, play with them and pick them up. As I age, I don't want to have help out with my groceries. I want to carry my own bags out. I prepare 99 percent of my meals at home using fresh food because I want to honor and fuel my precious body. I realize, "We are what we eat."

I've got my mind made up. This is no fad. I've made a conscious effort to change my life for good.  I'm training for life.

Friendly Boost

Me and Kat circa 2008 -  I haven't seen her in forever!

You hear the toned down version of my ranting. My girlfriends on the other hand - whew! When I talk to them, I hold nothing back. They get the full spiel. They've seen me through the roughest times. Watching me self-destruct at 388 pounds surely wasn't easy. Especially, for my dear friend, Katina.  She's always been a lover of food like me, but she also has always been very active and into health and fitness. Over the years, she always pleaded with me to exercise and eat better, but I wasn't having it. Now that I've found my way she's one of my proudest supporters - the cookbook is dedicated to her.

The other day, I called Katina to chat. She's been super busy lately. Working on - get this - designing a restaurant in the Atlanta airport. She's an Interior Designer and a darn good one. Anyhoo, I told her that I was less than enthused about my stale workout routine. And, since my workouts have been non-existent my mid-section shows it. Come to find out like me she's been struggling with her workout regimen and is feeling it in her waistline too.   Although, I wish she weren't struggling. I'll admit, I was relieved to find out that I'm not alone. She's been living a healthy, fit lifestyle for as long as I can remember and she still runs into bumpy patches.

After conversing for a while we came up with a game plan for getting ourselves back on track. We decided to check in periodically over the next few days, weeks to make sure we are staying on track and keep each other encouraged, motivated.  Like good friends should, we are giving each other a friendly boost.

Lesson learned: Sometimes you can't do it alone. Sometimes you have to talk about it, seek support from others. Nothing wrong with that. The pursuit of health and fitness is just like any other component of our lives. We have to keep working on it, at it.

Something NEW!

I've been in a workout slump for weeks. Honestly, it's probably been a few months now.
I like working out it makes me feel good. Eating healthy and working out combined helps my waist line -- bonus! But, truthfully I've become tired of the same ol' same. I need a fresh workout routine, new workout music, and even a new workout facility. Y'all know by now I don't sit on the sidelines long complaining  -- that's a waste of time and energy. Y'all also know I'm not afraid to step outside of my comfort zone and seek what I need.

So,this afternoon I went to an awesome studio -- Northwest Personal Training. I took a kick-butt Bike/Row class led by an enthusiastic certified personal trainer, Ted, alongside five other folks rowing and riding to the beat of Bob Marley's "Jammin." During class I admit I became winded a couple of times and took a breather, but otherwise I rode and rowed right with the others. When Ted instructed us to crank our bikes to another gear, I cranked. When he told us to find another rowing level, I did. 

Today, I tried something new and I liked it. I believe this class and the new workout environment is the very spark I needed to get myself back moving in the right direction. It's time I take my fitness and weight loss to the next level.

Fresh air, perspective

A few days ago, I went on one of my tirades about losing my zest for working out. Those who have been following my blog, know that I always turn my rants into actions.

Hopeful to reboot, resurge I decided to lace up my tennis shoes and go outside and take a walk. After all, that's how this self-transformation / weight loss journey began. I figured since I'm struggling with how to get to the next round of this heavyweight bout...I'd return to my starting point.

As I walked the park, taking in the fresh air, sun beaming down on me I was reminded of the simple pleasures of daily life: I encountered a middle-aged fella walking his adorable little Karin dog, two young girls playing with a soccer ball, and an innocent teenaged couple walking hand-in-hand. I know, I keep saying this, but mostly this is a battle of the mind. The inner self. Walking was not really about the physical exercise, but more about the mental stimulation.  I feel somewhat better and encouraged after yesterday's walk, but I am still not ready to make my way back to the gym quite yet. It's going to take a few more walks to gain clarity about the direction I want to head for this final push to the finish line. Stay tuned...

On empty

I hate to admit this -- only three days into February and five weeks into the new year and my tank seems to be on empty. I've been trying to rev up my energy level, but everything I've tried including working out has not helped. Not sure, what's going on. I am so excited about all my upcoming events. Perhaps, I'm overwhelmed by it all. Being a one-woman show means I do all the networking, follow-up, scheduling, marketing, and then there's showing up to the actual event. In between time, I'm on a mission to become Fit by Forty. And, let's not forget about all my other normal day-to-day activities. Heavy, heavy sigh. Suddenly, Fabulous February seems more like Frantic February. I'm running on fumes. I'm running on empty.

I'm Worth It, You're Worth It!

There's no price tag on my health, my livelihood. My gym membership dues are a mandatory part of my budget. Working out makes me feel good.  Eating Cage Free 100% Vegetarian Fed Eggs is a must. They just taste better.

Last summer, I wrote a post "I'm Worth It." where I mentioned how my mother complained about me spending nearly $8.00 for asparagus. A similar situation occurred recently.  I had the pleasure of shopping with my friend's mother. I was  introducing her to some healthy items she could have on stock in her pantry and fridge to whip up healthy meals. Well, she was a little reluctant to spend on some of the items. We were shopping at Chuck's Produce  and they are a little upscale. So they will have some sales, but most things are a little spendy. The way I explained it to her was simple -- you're worth it. It's just a couple dollars more and the quality of these items are noticeable.  When you buy organic you can tell the difference. Organic food is better for you and it simply tastes better. She decided to splurge on some items that day that she would have normally not bought. Ha. She even went all out and bought an Organic salad dressing. So next time your conflicted about the price tag of your health - stop -- you're worth it!  

Recovery journal

Day 41: Back in action and I feel GOOD! I had a sweaty, exhilarating upper body, and core workout with Megan today. I love working with her because she has a tool belt full of tools. The workout was creative, effective, and mindful of my limitations. Make no mistake though I was being worked. My fave was the chopping wood exercise with resistance bands. I will NEVER sit still. I ♥ working out.

The Will

For the first eight months of 2010 my life was going relatively smoothly, but in late August I hit some major bumps in the road, and well, I suffered some bruises. For about six weeks, my head was in a cloud and I was not working out as regularly, eating as well, or blogging. However, throughout this time I never, ever lost my will to fight this battle. I’ve vowed to lose weight and adapt a healthy lifestyle many times in my life, but this time I really, really mean it. My will is strong this time around -- it’s a profound feeling I have deep inside of me. I will never give up on myself, and I will meet my goals. So as 2010 comes to an end, although I’m filled with pride because of my accomplishments I realize the battle is not over. Therefore, I’ve re-evaluated my goals, and am refocusing my efforts.  For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

P.S. Magically, it appears my writer’s block is gone, so I plan on blogging regularly again. Yay!