The fat girl has to try harder. So I did. I was funny, charming, and exuded confidence – nothing more than false bravado. I was always dressed to the nines and dolled up. I managed to hide my insecurities very well under my stylish clothes and make-up. Not even my family or closest friends could see through me.
Being the fat girl meant having fewer options in the guy department. So when a fella paid me any attention I made a big deal out of it. As a fat, insecure girl any compliment from a guy was a sure sign that he was interested in me. Despite how I dressed and kept myself up. I didn’t think much of myself. I was very insecure and I longed for a man to validate me. There were some exceptions, but mostly any joker who pursued me, could. I basically let the guy chose me.
Fast forward: This weekend I was at a gathering and a fella made his move on me. A little surprising because I was not dolled up and plainly dressed. Maybe it was my smile and quick wit that got his attention. Anyhow, over the course of several hours I learned a few surface things about him. He seemed like a nice enough fella, but when he asked for my number I gave it to him with reluctance. I gave it to him only because I didn’t want to be rude. But, from our brief encounter I knew good and well we had nothing in common and I was not interested.
The fat, insecure girl would have gladly given him her number. No matter if we didn’t have much in common. I would have made myself interested. Sadly, I longed for male attention -- someone to make me feel pretty. I wasted a lot of time, and hung around some serious losers seeking validation.
It’s been a long time coming, but I now realize validation comes from within. My self-transformation and weight loss journey is not about what I’ve lost, but more about what I’ve gained. I’ve gained self-confidence and I understand my worth. I don’t fall over any and every guy who tries to pursue me. I’m the confident chick who shops strictly at Neiman-Marcus.