The better part of my life

I'm always in a reflective state, but particularly so as 2012 comes to an end. Losing 170 pounds isn't easy and it didn't come without reflection. I blog about it all the time -- taking onus, accepting responsibility for oneself, and making a commitment to yourself.

By now, you have heard some version or another of my story. If not, here’s a synopsis: I’m a product of childhood obesity. At my heaviest, I weighed in at a whopping 388 pounds. To date, with a conscious change to my diet and regular exercise, I’ve lost 170 pounds. Yes, 1-7-0! Ideally, I still would like to lose another 60 pounds to meet my goal weight. That’s a total of 230 pounds. Yeah, I know, those numbers are inconceivable to most. Those numbers are not for the faint-hearted.

By far, battling obesity is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Today, 170 pounds lighter and I'm still considered obese. I started my bid to a healthier lifestyle in the late fall of 2009. Since then I've had many trials, triumphs, victories, and losses. But, battling obesity isn’t just about losing the weight. This is so much more than a physical transformation. It’s about finding myself and learning to love myself. It's about talking down the demons on a regular, "You're fat and always will be. "You can't." Every single day, I’m at war with myself emotionally and mentally, and boy do I the have scars to prove it.

I realize though that for the better part of my life I've been obese. So, I can't magically become healthy and fit with a wave of a wand. It takes work. Hard work. Dedication. Commitment. This is my life. My new life --  I'm creating it everyday. Sure, I'm not exactly where I would like to be, but I'm not where I use to be either. I will never, ever return to that dark miserable place. I find resolve in knowing that. I find victory in the fact that I found the courage to change, to battle obesity. I refuse to allow myself to wallow in self pity. I refuse to remain the same.

Sometimes I encounter road blocks. In fact, I haven't recorded a lose on the scale in months. Some would call this a plateau. I say, it's "Where I am now." I'll keep plugging away one day at a time. Tweaking my diet. Finding new forms of exercise. Silencing those demons. Loving myself. Truly loving myself. Beyond the scale, the mirror. In due time, I'll get there. I'll be there. One thing is for sure, I have never ever given up. Nor will I. There's no race to the finish line because there is no finish line.

I refuse to let the past forty years of my life determine my entire life. I have plenty more living to do. I plan to be a healthy, active beacon of light for others who are looking to make the necessary changes and to live a similar lifestyle. The best is yet to come. The better part of my life awaits me. I'm not into making new year's resolutions, instead lifelong resolutions. I'm claiming 2013 as one of my better years.