Scared and a little stupid

Yesterday, I really stupidly pushed my limits. I mean, I woke up faint and dizzy – but still proceeded to get dressed to go to the gym. Not only did I force myself to go the gym, but since I was running late I decided to skip breakfast too. Huh? Really? Is it that serious?

Yes, it is kind of that serious. Here’s why…I’m scared. I’m scared if I miss a day at the gym. One day missed may turn into two days and then who knows I may just not ever go back.

I’m scared that if I start making excuses about why I can’t make it to the gym. Everyday there’ll be a new excuse and eventually I’ll stop going.

I’m scared that one slice of pumpkin loaf will turn into two slices, or worse the whole loaf, and then I’ll be right back into my old gross eating habits.

I’m scared. And my fears are getting the best of me.

Throughout this journey to overcome obesity, I’ve endured a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. Suffice it to say, battling obesity is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. This isn’t just about me loosing a few pounds after giving birth to a child. Nor is it about me loosing just a few pounds. To date, I’ve lost 148 lbs. and still would like to loose 70 more. So…this is about me breaking through a lifetime of barriers. This is about me saying goodbye to a ton of bad habits and replacing them with new ones. This is about me changing my ENTIRE lifestyle. This is all so new to me. I’m trying to figure out how to live a healthy, active lifestyle. And, not withstanding all my enthusiasm I need to learn to be more realistic. An old and dear friend of mine gave me some good advice. She told me I need to stop and listen to my body. She went on to say that, I’ve made some tremendous changes and I need to learn and embrace my new body. I need to learn the new Chrisetta. My new body has different needs and just because I’m more fit than I once was this new body still needs rest. She knows me really well and she feels that I’m going at it a little bit too hard. And, perhaps I’m becoming obsessed with this new lifestyle and maybe just, maybe I should back down a little and not to take it so serious. It is after all a lifestyle change. Hmm…

This is uncharted territory for me. I’m figuring this all out by trial and error. Here’s what I know for sure:

• I love myself and I will never ever return to that dark, miserable, lonely place where food is my only comfort.
• I have to learn to be patient with myself and listen to my body.
• I need to find a way to balance my life, diet, exercise, work, family, and friends.

Lastly, I’m scared and sometimes a little stupid, but no doubt I will figure this all out. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

The Great Outdoors

Serving an Ace - no doubt.

Lately, I’ve become extremely bored with the classes offered at the gym and the dreaded gym machines. So instead of me allowing that to be an excuse, reverting back to old habits, and becoming a couch potato. I’ve decided to take advantage of the mild, beautiful, fall weather and take my exercise routine outdoors.

Last week, I had a blast playing outdoors with my 17-year old daughter, Jasmyn. To get our bodies warmed up, we started our play session by jogging a few laps around the track. Aw…What a feeling – fresh air hitting me in the face, a light perspiration building on my forehead, and my baby girl sprinting ahead of me. After our warm-up we took to the tennis courts. I loved the sound of the ball leaving the racquet and our tennis shoes squeaking on the hard court. I’ll admit my game is pretty weak, so the rallies were almost non-existent, but you could feel the love in the air. Me and my girl on a perfect fall day hitting tennis balls – nothing sweeter than that. To cap off our day, we ended with a little one-on-one in basketball. She’ll admit Mama’s transition shot is wicked. Ha. What a fun-filled active day we had together. We weren’t sitting in the house watching TV, on the computer, or stuffing our faces with high caloric food. We were out getting our exercise on! Not only was it great fun, but it was great bonding time for us - mother and daughter. I’m leading by example. I’m showing my daughter how to live an active, healthy lifestyle. Long gone are the days of me sitting around making excuses – I’m firmly in charge. I make the decisions about my health and fitness, and my daughter’s too. Match point!

All smiles

Side note: Most people don’t know this about me, but when I grow up, I secretly want to be a tennis star. What a beautiful, competitive sport. It takes stamina, precision, and guts to win. It’s win or go home every time you step on the court and you're the only one out there on your side. Love it! Without a doubt, my love for the game rubbed off on Jasmyn and she’s played on the JV and Varsity team for her high school all four years now. She even lettered in JV, hopefully this year she’ll letter in Varsity too.

This thing MUST be broke!

For the last two and a half weeks the scale has not moved. I was sure the darn thing was broke until I tried the scale at the gym and the same numbers appeared. Apparently, my body has caught on to my exercise and diet regimen and is forcing me to re-evaluate. Instead, of becoming discouraged I’m just marveling at how amazing the human body is. I mean really, it won’t let me get away with the same old routine. I need to do something different. Keep challenging myself. So it’s time to re-evaluate my routine because backing down or giving up are NOT options.

I think it’s important I mention that although the scale is not moving my body is changing and I have slimmed down. I take photos to chronicle my progress and I can tell the difference in my upper body and in my face since my last official weigh in. I say this because I want to make sure I emphasis that the scale is not the only way to measure one’s success. Clearly, it’s a tool that is used to help measure progress but not solely relied on. I think I keep hopping on it only to make myself crazy or crazier.

**Ironically, about a week ago one of my FB followers asked me about breaking through a plateau and here’s what I told her. I guess it’s time I follow my own advice.

Plateaus are sooo frustrating. They can make the most determined people give up. So… First, don't give up. Secondly, re-evaluate your game plan. You can't keep doing the same thing and get different results. If you usually take cycling class four times a week and jog three days then switch it to kickboxing and weightlifting or… Main thing is to keep your body guessing. Our bodies are complex and they need to be challenged. If you were loosing weight with a certain workout routine it may help just to tweak the routine a little. Next, and MOST important is your diet. I’m not big on counting calories but I’ll say this, lots of fresh vegetables and fruits, lean meats, nuts, and water are your staples. Also, breakfast is very, very important because it gets your metabolism going. Try to eat six times a day no more than three hours a part. Apples and raw almonds are great portable snacks.  Lastly, did I mention not to give up? Okay, good. Stay at it!!! Just make some adjustments. Slow and steady wins the race there is no quick fix to change your lifestyle. I hope this helps. It brings me great pleasure to pass on advice/encouragement so please feel free to ask anytime. Ironically, I just came from the gym when I saw your post and a trainer there was telling me next year this time I’d be a trainer myself. Hmm… smile. 

The Best Is Yet To Come



Fighting childhood obesity has turned out to be an amazing, joyous, challenging journey. As I travel the road to better health and fitness at each turn I notice something new about my body. I can jump higher when I do a jumping jack. I’m not as fatigued when taking back-to-back exercise classes. I can jog. When I look in the mirror my looks are always changing too. At each phase I think wow! I look thinner. My legs are more muscular. My middle seems trimmer. So I can see my progress I chronicle my transformation by taking photos. It’s remarkable how at every phase I look at myself and I feel so proud and accomplished. I think geez I’m looking really good, but on the flip side when I look back at the photos I think whoa I still have a ways to go or gosh I thought I had arrived. While at the gym the other day one of my trainer friends said to me, “The best is yet to come,” and you know what he’s right. I haven’t even peaked yet.





November 2010



August 2010

False Alarm

Not quite a 12



Yesterday, as I was rummaging through some clothes my teenage daughter bagged up to donate to charity I found a couple skirts, sized 12 that I liked. So, out of curiosity I  decided to try the skirts on. To my surprise, I was able to fit the zippered waist band skirts. Yay me! Since I was overjoyed to tears I immediately shared my excitement with folks on Facebook (my typical venue for breaking good news). But, shortly after I posted the news I started to wonder if the sizing was wrong. I mean, when I look at myself I just don’t see a size 12. Sure, I guess, I’m my own worst critic. Aren’t we all?

Hmm…the more I thought about it, it occurred to me that just as Americans have super-sized beverages, food items, and cars maybe we’ve also skewed clothing sizes to compensate. Sure enough, after some research I found out the US standard clothing sizes were developed in the 1940s-1950s. However, today, as a result of various cultural pressures, US clothing sizes have drifted substantially away from this standard over time. It’s important to add that the average size 12 women’s waist is 30” though my waist is somewhat larger. So  that immediately made it clear that I couldn’t possibly really wear a size 12. I also read that the Gap sizes their clothing down to make the customer feel better. It’s referred to as vanity sizing. For example, while a shirt says it’s a size medium, it may actually be the same size as an “L” from a decade early – basically the shirt is getting bigger, but the size label remains the same and the customer (theoretically) isn’t devastated about wearing a bigger size.

 

I guess, I should’ve just gleefully zipped the skirts up and strutted around wearing them in pride. Self doubt, however, and the good old Jesuit education I received from Seattle University just would not allow me to do that.  So as it stands I guess I really don’t quite wear a size 12… yet. Reminder to self, if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.

You may want to check these related articles out:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/14802436

http://www.catalogs.com/info/clothing/clothing-size-for-women.html

What A Difference A Year Makes

A year ago (October 31, 2009) I had a major blowout with my fella that led to us eventually breaking up. Our break up was pretty traumatic, but also enlightening for me. I believe that out of every bad experience comes something good. Granted, sometimes it may take a while for the good to surface. And, in this case the good has surfaced!

The transition has not been easy, but I’ve made some HUGE strides to improve my life. It started with emotional and spiritual cleansing – soul searching, which eventually led me to become serious about my health and weight. Over the past year, I’ve broke through barriers that once seemed unbreakable. As 2010 comes to a close I have a few more goals I’d like to achieve. If I continue to stay focused there’s no doubt I can make my goals.  I’m proud of the person I’m evolving into…I’m a work in progress.



10/31/10



10/31/09