Scared and a little stupid

Yesterday, I really stupidly pushed my limits. I mean, I woke up faint and dizzy – but still proceeded to get dressed to go to the gym. Not only did I force myself to go the gym, but since I was running late I decided to skip breakfast too. Huh? Really? Is it that serious?

Yes, it is kind of that serious. Here’s why…I’m scared. I’m scared if I miss a day at the gym. One day missed may turn into two days and then who knows I may just not ever go back.

I’m scared that if I start making excuses about why I can’t make it to the gym. Everyday there’ll be a new excuse and eventually I’ll stop going.

I’m scared that one slice of pumpkin loaf will turn into two slices, or worse the whole loaf, and then I’ll be right back into my old gross eating habits.

I’m scared. And my fears are getting the best of me.

Throughout this journey to overcome obesity, I’ve endured a lot emotionally, physically, and mentally. Suffice it to say, battling obesity is the HARDEST thing I’ve ever done. This isn’t just about me loosing a few pounds after giving birth to a child. Nor is it about me loosing just a few pounds. To date, I’ve lost 148 lbs. and still would like to loose 70 more. So…this is about me breaking through a lifetime of barriers. This is about me saying goodbye to a ton of bad habits and replacing them with new ones. This is about me changing my ENTIRE lifestyle. This is all so new to me. I’m trying to figure out how to live a healthy, active lifestyle. And, not withstanding all my enthusiasm I need to learn to be more realistic. An old and dear friend of mine gave me some good advice. She told me I need to stop and listen to my body. She went on to say that, I’ve made some tremendous changes and I need to learn and embrace my new body. I need to learn the new Chrisetta. My new body has different needs and just because I’m more fit than I once was this new body still needs rest. She knows me really well and she feels that I’m going at it a little bit too hard. And, perhaps I’m becoming obsessed with this new lifestyle and maybe just, maybe I should back down a little and not to take it so serious. It is after all a lifestyle change. Hmm…

This is uncharted territory for me. I’m figuring this all out by trial and error. Here’s what I know for sure:

• I love myself and I will never ever return to that dark, miserable, lonely place where food is my only comfort.
• I have to learn to be patient with myself and listen to my body.
• I need to find a way to balance my life, diet, exercise, work, family, and friends.

Lastly, I’m scared and sometimes a little stupid, but no doubt I will figure this all out. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!