Slowly but surely

A couple years ago, heck, even two months ago, I would have been beating myself up pretty bad about my current state. You see, the past few months I've been very busy in the community: Motivational talks, lectures, cooking classes, on and on. So, busy that truthfully I haven't been as dedicated to my fitness and weight loss goals. I can't recall the last time I worked out at the gym and I haven't recorded a decrease on the scale in umpteen months.

I'm 40 years old and have been overweight my entire life. I've never been what you called a "normal" size. I'm not sure what the statistics on beating childhood obesity are, but I'm sure they're slim (no pun intended). Despite what the statistics may be, to date with a conscious change to my diet, mindful eating, and exercise I've lost 170 pounds. I am proud of myself for what I have accomplished.  But I also can be pretty hard on myself for what I haven't accomplished.

The more mature, intuitive Chrisetta, recognizes that it's pretty unrealistic of me to think that I can make obesity go away overnight or even in a span of a few years. The Chrisetta of the past would have beat herself up for being in this current state of flux. Called herself names. But no longer. I'm a place in my life, a place in this journey where I'm not going to let those negative thoughts consume me. That's a part of the battle -- learning to not think and speak negative thoughts, learning to be kinder, more flexible and forgiving of myself. Does that mean that I am giving up on my goals? Quite the opposite. It just means that instead of pushing myself so hard, focusing so much on the destination.  I'm going to ease up -- live a healthy, fulfilled life, and enjoy the journey.
 
Today, I'm healthier, happier, more peaceful and content. Oh, and 170 pounds lighter. Slowly but surely, I'm saying farewell to my old childhood nemesis, obesity.

12 days, 3 weeks, 4 months

Lately, I haven't been my active self. Truthfully, my eating habits have been a little iffy too. There are plenty of reasons why, but I won't make excuses. I'll just say, I'm learning not to measure my health and fitness in the span of days, weeks, or months. I don't run to the gym for a few weeks and then deem myself fit. I don't eat well for a month or two and then I'm suddenly healthy. Instead, eating healthy and working out is what I chose to do all the time for the rest of my life. This is a lifestyle change, folks.  Some periods of time I'll be on my "A" game, sometimes I won't. But, that never, ever means I have fallen off. I will never return to that slothenly way of life that caused me to weigh 388 lbs. I will not let a few days, weeks, or months be indicative of the way I ultimately chose to live my life.

I have publicly announced my bid to be "Fit by Forty" which for me, means I want to be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40 this summer. No doubt, I will work towards this goal, but please note that once I meet that goal there will be another goal. Goals are terrific to have because they can be motivators, but again once I meet each goal I'll just strive for something more. A healthy, fit lifestyle is just that a lifestyle, it does not have a timeline attached to it. My love for myself, and for a healthier, fitter life, is not fleeting. I want this forever, not 12 days, 3 weeks, or 4 months.

Brighter days



“For every dark night, there's a brighter day.” ~Tupac Shakur

I found this photo (left) last night. I’m appalled to say the least. I mean, really. Look at me hiding behind that big, fake smile. At the time I weighed in around 290 lbs. Down from my highest weight of 388 lbs. but, still ...I thought losing 100 lbs. was enough. I was complacent. I figured I always was just going to be a big girl. In retrospect, I was too lazy, unmotivated, and unwilling to do anything about it. That’s all I’m going to say. My thoughts are far too negative and I no longer care to spend my precious time going there. Besides, no need in looking back as I will never, ever, ever return to that dark, miserable place. Instead, of dwelling on the past, I’ll rejoice for I'm finding myself and creating a beautiful, peaceful, active, healthy life.