41 Years in the Making

Lydene Robertson Photography

Blessed to have seen another year and it has been a wonderful one.

I vowed to be "Fit By Forty" and haven't quite hit that goal physically. Not from lack of trying or wanting to but it's hard. Very hard. Oh well, let's save all the heavy stuff for another post. It's my 41st birthday and I feel great.

I really like the way 40 feels. I'm closer to God and working on becoming more at peace.   I'm happy. Healthy. I know my self-worth. I'm confident. 

I don't dwell on things or try to hold on to them. I know when to let go and move on. 

I laugh often. I love with all of my heart.

I'm a work in progress but I like where I'm headed.  The best is yet to come.

Busy living

White Water Rafting fun!

In 2009, when I set off on this journey it was about losing weight, all about losing weight. It's still about losing weight, but there is so much more.  This is a journey of self-discovery, love, passion, experience, and living life to the fullest.

Yesterday, I spent my 40th birthday paddling down the White Salmon River. It was my first experience White Water Rafting and what a spectacular experience it was! It was one of those experiences that made me glad to be alive. Traveling down the sometimes calm, but turbulent river, sun gently kissing my skin, and surrounded by nature. Awesome. Simply awesome.

My 19-year old daughter, Jasmyn joined in on the adventurous fun. Jr. was our guide for the day and two fabulous ladies, Susy and Leigh, all the way from Amsterdam were also in our group. The five of us had a blast -- talking, laughing, sharing stories as we paddled our way down the beautiful river. It was so cool! The water would be relatively calm and then all the sudden we'd hit a rapid -- the raft would move erratically and then a big burst of cold water would come splashing in. Aaaaaa...

I'm always blogging in my mind. Subjects are everywhere. So as I was paddling down the river taking in the beauty, the splendor. I was thinking of how I could share this experience with you. What I wanted to write, to convey how special, truly special this experience was.  This quote from the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" came to mind: "Get busy living or get busy dying."  It was an aha moment! That's what this is all about folks! I'm so busy living that I don't particularly obsess over the scale, how I look, or every bite I put into my mouth anymore. Sure, I still work out, want to achieve a certain goal weight, build strength, and eat healthy (most of the time), but now I realize there's so much more to it. This journey isn't about what I've lost, but rather it's about what I've gained.  My life isn't defined by moments. It's the sum of the moments that matter -- the days, weeks, months, experiences. Surely, I will continue to set goals as they keep me focused, grounded, but ultimately I'll stay busy living and the rest will follow.

Reminder break

I can so relate to the lyrics of Pink's song Don't Let Me Get Me. Lately, I've been struggling mightily with myself, "I'm my own worst enemy... I'm a hazard to myself."  I'm really, really disappointed in myself.  I feel like I should be stronger, more toned, more fit, slimmer. Not fat anymore. I'm really struggling with how to get myself to the next level. I've been in this space for a long while.  I really had hoped to be much closer to my "Fit by Forty" goal by now. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40 this summer. I feel like at the rate I'm going I'll miss the mark. Or will I?

I've been putting together a PowerPoint presentation for my talk at the library this Saturday. Last night, mind full of negative self-talk as  I was adding more content to the presentation, I just started looking at the photos of myself as a morbidly obese woman. Heavy, heavy sigh. What a reminder. Those photos were, and are a reminder of how far I've come. For goodness sake, I've lost 173 pounds! I am stronger, more toned, more fit, slimmer, and happier. So, why do I continue to put so much emphasize on the negative? Why do I beat myself up so much? It's the mental, the inner battle. It's equally if not as taxing as losing the weight.

I vow from this day forward to give myself a break. To silence the demons whenever they start whispering to me  and serve as a reminder to myself about how far I've come -- I'll pull out these photos.

12 days, 3 weeks, 4 months

Lately, I haven't been my active self. Truthfully, my eating habits have been a little iffy too. There are plenty of reasons why, but I won't make excuses. I'll just say, I'm learning not to measure my health and fitness in the span of days, weeks, or months. I don't run to the gym for a few weeks and then deem myself fit. I don't eat well for a month or two and then I'm suddenly healthy. Instead, eating healthy and working out is what I chose to do all the time for the rest of my life. This is a lifestyle change, folks.  Some periods of time I'll be on my "A" game, sometimes I won't. But, that never, ever means I have fallen off. I will never return to that slothenly way of life that caused me to weigh 388 lbs. I will not let a few days, weeks, or months be indicative of the way I ultimately chose to live my life.

I have publicly announced my bid to be "Fit by Forty" which for me, means I want to be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40 this summer. No doubt, I will work towards this goal, but please note that once I meet that goal there will be another goal. Goals are terrific to have because they can be motivators, but again once I meet each goal I'll just strive for something more. A healthy, fit lifestyle is just that a lifestyle, it does not have a timeline attached to it. My love for myself, and for a healthier, fitter life, is not fleeting. I want this forever, not 12 days, 3 weeks, or 4 months.

Hello, August!

Oh, sweet August, I greet you with great enthusiasm and quite the to-do-list. I'm partial to August because it's the month I was born.  In nineteen days, I'll celebrate my 39th birthday. One year away from my big "Fit By Forty," goal.  But, let me not get ahead of myself -- I have a way of doing that - plenty to do before that date.

This August really is going to trump others because there are some positive life changing events happening this month. I hate to be so secretive with y'all I just want to make sure I have all the details firmed up before I share the news about the changes forthcoming - y'all understand, right? Although I anticipate certain things to happen I realize the Universe will work them out or not. With that said, I will do my part to work on the things that I directly have control over - diet and exercise routine. So this month it's time to up the ante. I'm so sick of being stuck in this body. Enough said. Anyhoo, I have two meetings today and may be able to share at least some news tomorrow. I declare August 2011 as SPECTAULAR!