The Very Thing

The very thing I questioned my entire life.  The very thing that caused me to feel weak, to feel vulnerable. The very thing that caused me to live with a negative spirit under a dark cloud. The very thing that caused me to be lazy, antisocial. The very thing that caused others to look at me in disgust and with contempt.

I've never been what you consider a "normal" size. I've always been fat. At my heaviest, I weighed a miserable 388 pounds. I spent most of my life questioning why and not doing much about it, other than complaining of course. It wasn't until I was knocked off my axis in 2009 that I really, really began to look at myself. Sure, the physical weight was an issue, but the emotional, spiritual -- the inner stuff was the biggest factor. I know I sound like a broken record, but to battle obesity and win, I believe looking inward is paramount.

I had to cast down the demons. I had to find inner strength.  I had to get in touch with myself in order to break through all the negative stuff that I had going on. The negative stuff that caused me to want to just eat, and eat, and eat. Eating, in hopes that it would somehow erase everything, but truthfully it only exasperated the issue. Negativity begets negativity. And I couldn't seem to find a way out of that negative space.

I'm proud to say, I've turned my negative into a whole lot of positive. The very thing that caused me to question myself, my being has caused me to become a strong, positive spirit today. The very thing that caused others to look at me in contempt is the very thing that causes them to look to me today as their inspiration.  Just as negativity begets negativity. The same is true for positivity. "What you think, you become."

Today, I host healthy cooking classes, speak to the community about obesity, have authored a cookbook promoting healthier home cooked meals, and am a social butterfly. Ha ha. Amazing how the very thing -- my fatness is what makes me the strong, positive spirit I am today.