I'm NOT what I use to be

Yesterday, as I tried to muster up the strength to lift the 40 lbs. barbell overhead I begun to question my capabilities.  While I was struggling I was uttering to myself: "What's wrong with you? Push through."  Being the foolish die hard I am I got through the sets. Next, I waddled over to the mat area where I found an innocent bystander to spot me while I planked (I feel more comfortable getting up and down off the floor if someone's there since surgery). Completed a few planks and got up from the floor feeling a little disoriented only to travel straight to the recumbent bike. Once at the bike "Do What You Can" guy was there and noticed I looked a little fatigued. He asked, "Are you sure you should get on the bike?" Needless to say, I hopped on and rode for a record time (Since surgery) 30 minutes. As I rode the bike listening to my tunes it dawned on me, I'm not what I use to be. Sad, but true. I've lost my endurance, some of my strength, and a little a bit of my confidence. Probably to be expected after having major surgery only 11 weeks ago, but somehow or another I tend to ignore the small details.

As I was headed out  the gym door one of the employees asked "How was it?" I told her: "It went okay, but my tank seems to be running low on fuel." Her reply, "Take it easy, you've been through a lot. I've seen you here everyday this week" By golly, she's right, three days in a row I've been at the gym and one of those days I went to physical therapy as well. The thing is, sure I'm in rehab, recovery mode, but I also have to figure out what my body can do, so the only way to figure that out is to try. It's a balancing act, those of you who've been following me have heard me talk about finding balance before. I want to push my limits, but I also have to be mindful of my true capabilities. Right now, my priority is to recover. I need to slow down, pump my brakes. There's a time and a place to be a rock star and this is NOT the time. Heavy sigh.

I'm searching for balance. Harmony. Peace. Reminder to self: Be kind to yourself and slow down. You'll get there in due time.