From Within

Once a miserable 388 pounds, I decided I loved myself enough to try. Try to be better. Be happier. Be healthier. And lose the weight. All the weight: emotional, spiritual, physical.

When you're in a dark, cold space trapped under 388 pounds light seems non-existent. I traveled many dark, foggy tunnels before I saw a glimpse of light. I had a negative spirit, negative attitude, and a negative outlook. In the depths of darkness, however, there was some nagging voice within, telling me: I deserved more. I was worthy. I could be better. After sitting still with myself and some serious soul searching I was able to hear that voice loud and clear. The voice within instructed me to stop wallowing in my pity, put my thoughts to action, and create the life I envisioned for myself.  The voice within gave me hope, courage, and belief. The voice is the very reason I was able to see my way out of the dark, foggy tunnel. I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life. Today, I stand in the light. 

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts."

Oh, goodness!

The other day I visited New Seasons Market to restock my produce. I usually go produce shopping every two to three days. If we had fresh corner markets I would go daily. Fresh corner markets...Wouldn't that be nice? Anyhow, some things I will only eat organic. Apples being one of them. Non-organic apples are sprayed with pesticides and waxed - no thanks. Buying organic, however, means paying considerably more. Organic Jazz apples were $2.49 a lb. Four apples cost $5.28. I used to gripe and complain, but now-a-days I just swipe my debit card with a smile. I want to fuel my body with good wholesome food and it's not cheap. That's typically the case with anything.  I could buy the non-organic apples at a lower price. Or if we look at it folks spend five bucks on a cheap processed McDonald's meal.  Instead, I chose to spend my dollar on four natural sweetened apples. 

As I professed a while ago, I have fallen in love with Kale. However, it is quite spendy too. I bought two bunches of Lacinato Kale to the tune of $4.98. It usually serves as a side for two meals. So that's not too bad when you break it down that way. Or if you look at the bigger picture -- I'm paying for my health and well-being upfront. Filling my body with inexpensive, crappy, processed so-called food would only cost me in the long run. I chose to eat good wholesome food and am willing to pay the price.   

*Disclaimer: I realize that eating organic and healthy comes with a significant price tag and when on a budget it can be nearly impossible to afford. I've been very fortunate to afford good quality food. I'm also fortunate enough to have the knowledge about what's good and what's not so good for me. One of my "Food and Your Health" books posed a very valid question: Is the healthy food movement elitist? Darn right it's elitist. It boils down to socioeconomic status (huge subject maybe in another blog post, maybe). Socioeconomic status is only part of the problem though. I believe for some eating healthy just is not a priority. For me, eating whole fresh food is top of my priority list because the alternative not only is going to cost more in the long run, but eating healthy never tasted so good. I hope that you too can make it a priority and find it in your budget to eat fresh whole food.

Warrior

A perfect demo of Warrior 2

As I proudly stood in Warrior 2 pose this morning in Yoga, this thought filled my mind: All that I've endured, all that I've battled, all that I've become -- all that I am.

Ten months ago, I was hit by a car as a pedestrian and suffered a fractured Tibia. Today, I was back in Yoga. Knee a little tender and my heart unsure whether I could perform some of the stretches and poses, but I was there. Throughout life, throughout this weight loss and self-transformation journey, I've been tested and I've overcome. All that I've endured, all that I've battled, all that I've become -- all that I am. I'm a warrior.

Be encouraged

Many of you have written to me to tell me I've motivated, inspired, and encouraged you along my journey - thank you. After all, you are a big reason why I blog. Recently, I had the pleasure of meeting with a young woman who found my blog after reading the article that was written in "The Columbian" back in July.  How totally cool. Anyhow, she was interested in buying a copy of my cookbook. She's local, so I met with her at New Seasons Market.  I signed her book, we chatted about my weight loss and I offered her some tips and suggestions. Next thing, I know, my passion for good wholesome food and sharing my knowledge led us to the produce section. I explained to her why it's important to buy local, organic and offered her some recipe suggestions. Before I knew it we were traveling the entire store -- I was giving her a Personal Grocery Shopping 101 class (hmm...this could be an upcoming class).

We talked about exercise and lots of other health, fitness related stuff. I felt honored to be able to pass on what I've learned and to know that people look to me for ideas and motivation is just amazing. I use to be a slothenly 388 pounds. I use to eat highly caloric processed food and my exercise consisted of going back and forth to the kitchen. Today, I promote a healthy fit lifestyle and folks look to me for inspiration. Ha ha. That's awesome.

As we walked around the store and I introduced some of my recipe ideas. She pointed out that she doesn't like oatmeal, Brussels sprouts, and a few other things I suggested she try. I gave her permission to not like these items. There are plenty of other foods that fit the bill that she may like. Our shopping experience/conversation prompted this blog post...Look to me for your inspiration, motivation, but remember the path you travel is unique. Let me be your guide, but your journey is your journey. You may be able to use some of my recipes, exercise routines, tips, however, some of my methods may not work for you and that's okay. Adapt what you can from me and others, but your journey will be different. Be encouraged by me, but remember your journey is uniquely yours. Good luck! Do continue to look to me, I love it!

T.M.I.

It's been a long time coming, but I finally threw out my old, stretched out, raggedy, big girl undies. For Christmas, I bought myself a variety of fun, colorful undies n a considerably smaller size - yay me! I realize it may be Too Much Information - T.M.I, but heck I am excited! It's a milestone. Next up, Victoria's Secret.

Like Charlie Brown

Not The Scrooge or The Grinch,  I actually like Christmas and some of the commercialism. I love the smell of Christmas trees, freshly baked goods, the sounds of Christmas, and all the glitz. I, however, struggle with how everyone runs around like mad, scrambling to procure gifts, most of the gifts have no real meaning behind them.

News flash people: There is a religious reason we celebrate, Christmas.  Though most of us don't take that into account. At the very least it seems we should just cherish our time spent with family and friends.  What about taking in a movie? Having a coffee date? Or a sit down meal at home? Yesterday, I was looking forward to meeting with two of my friends for coffee. I had small gifts for them, but mainly I wanted to just have a chance to sit down and catch up with them. I've been extremely busy with public events the last few months and truthfully I was really looking forward to some time with friends. Last minute, both of them cancelled (they were separate dates) on me. Today, I was suppose to meet a friend for coffee and she too had to reschedule "So much going on." It's a sad shame that we all have become too busy to connect and share time with one another. For me the time together, laughing, talking, connecting is more important, meaningful than the gifts.

Today, I'll continue my holiday baking while listening to Christmas tunes, hopeful in the next few days, I'll get to meet with some of my loved ones to spread my holiday cheer.  In my old age, I'm a lot like, Charlie Brown.

"Give love on Christmas day...No greater gift is there than love."

I believe

My journey of self-transformation, weight loss has been an amazing experience. I've shed hundreds of pounds and in turn I was able to deal with layers of emotional stuff. The old Chrisetta had a pessimistic attitude and did not truly believe in her abilities. Over the years, fortunately I've had a cast of supportive folks in my life who have encouraged, supported, and believed in me. Believed in me at my worst. Believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I tell you, it's a cold, dark place to be in when you don't think much of yourself, you seek outside approval and even with the approval of others you still don't see your value or believe in yourself. It has taken a great deal of time for me to be at peace with myself, believe in myself. Having folks encourage me and tell me they believed in me was very, very  helpful. I am forever grateful to them.

It's been a long, bumpy road, but present day, Chrisetta, does not seek outside approval or validation. Sure, it's nice to have supportive folks rooting me on, but it's more rewarding to know within myself that I can. Chrisetta of today, believes in herself, her abilities and will never give up on herself. I believe.

What will be

There's one thing that I've grown to know for sure: Everything happens for a reason. I may not see it at the time, understand it, or like it, but there is a reason for it. Knowing this makes it much easier to deal with disappointments. People enter my life for a reason, maybe a season. Plans I thought surely should and would work out, didn't. Relationships start off strong and end with a sudden fizzle. My dream job really was quite the opposite. The man of my dreams, was a dream. The universe is a powerful force.  No longer do I fight with the universe. And, by not fighting it I usually am rewarded by it's splendor. What will be, will be.

Food snob

I've been thinking...I'm a food snob. Yup, I said it. A while ago, I wrote a blog post, "Grocery Shopping No-Nos" in which I was not ready to admit to my snobbish ways, but as time has progressed my snobbishness has increased.  The way I see it, there is nothing wrong with me turning my nose up to packaged, highly caloric, so-called processed food. 

I've decided to take a stand. I say no to the crap that dominates the aisles of the supermarket. I stay clear of food that is advertised and put together in fancy little packages with a long list of ingredients mostly preservatives, and sugars. For goodness sake, I do not let strangers prepare my food. I prepare and eat fresh, whole food that you can picture growing in it's natural state (Thanks, for that one Michael Pollan).

I'm willing to pay the price for my health and well-being up front. I make my health and food a priority. I take the extra-time I need to shop and prepare food. Real food. I really don't see any other way. So from this day forward, I proudly declare myself as a food snob. Heck, I'm even contemplating starting a food snob movement: A bunch of health crazed folks purchasing, growing, preparing, and eating fresh, whole food.  Hmm...stay tuned.

"Stewards of Earth"

Will Allen - Growing Power

A journalist by trade, I've always had an inquisitive nature, combined with my Jesuit education -- watch out! I'm always seeking information, questioning everything, and advocating change. Throughout this amazing self-transformation and weight loss journey I've evolved and learned so much about health, fitness, food, and of course myself. I'm bursting at the seams with tons of information about the food industry. I have a nagging desire to share it -- it's my civic duty, the journalist in me. My goal over the next several weeks, months is to pass on what I've been learning, reading, researching to you. We've got a lot of ground to cover, but some of the bigger topics are:

• Sustainability
• Feedlots
• Food deserts
• Organic food 
• Local food
• Milk - The Truth
• Plant based diets

I am forever changed by what I've learned about the food industry, the abuse of animals, raping of the land, and the government's involvement or lack thereof. The food industry is in need of a huge overhaul. It's going to take some work on the part of the people and that's why I feel it's very important I share what I've learned. It's going to take all of us to stand up and say no more.

A few weeks ago, I added two new sections to the blog "Food and Your Health" and "Food and Your Health: Recommended Readings & Films" if you haven't checked these sections out I urge you to do so. Also, check out these farmers who are doing there part in keeping alive the traditional farming practices with the help of some modern technology:

Will Allen - Growing Power
Joel Salatin - Polyface Farms 

"We are stewards of Earth, we are to respect the design of nature." Joel Salatin

Calm before storm

The last few months I've been all systems go. I love what I do so it doesn't feel like work, but it can get hectic. Classes ended last Wednesday so that freed up a bulk of my day. It's been nice to sleep in, enjoy my morning coffee, and have a little flexibility in my schedule. For the rest of the month, I have no community activities or commitments. I'm just enjoying the down time because my January calendar is already slammed with dates -- booked into March 2012. It's the calm before the storm.

What's the worst that can happen?

I was talking with my dear friend (who happens to be obese) this morning.  She complained of how tired she was after sleeping 9 1/2 hours last night. 9 1/2 hours! Sometime ago she was diagnosed with Sleep apnea and prescribed a C-PAP machine. She does not like to use the machine because it's a huge nuance. Usually, I listen on as a good friend would (or would they?).

This morning, however, as she complained about how tired she was I couldn't hold it in anymore. I offered my unsolicited advice. Perhaps she was so tired because although she had been in bed, supposedly sleep, her Sleep apnea prevented her from actually sleeping through the night. Hence, the need for the machine. I realize the machine may be a nuance, but not waking up the next morning would be... She has two small children for goodness sake. As a short-term solution, I encouraged her to start using her machine again, but the long-term solution is to reclaim control of her weight and her health. I mentioned that maybe, just maybe she should start exercising. Just a ten minute walk. That's when her complaining really began: she doesn't want to exert that much energy. Huh? Really? Silly me. I see the ability to go outside and walk in the fresh air as a gift. I reminded her, I'm the gal who use to weigh 388 pounds. I'm all to familiar with restlessness nights of sleep because of too much abdomen girth. I too avoided physical activity like the plague when I was morbidly obese. I did not want to walk and God forbid I work up a sweat. Turns out I love to do both now.

My unsolicited raw opinion: Too many of us are sitting around letting our lives pass us by. We won't walk to the mailbox that is 300 ft. We drive to the grocery store that is less than a mile. We eat processed, crappy so-called food because it's convenient. What's worse, we won't even be inconvenienced to get out of the car to get our so-called crappy food. We drive-up and drive-thru. Sadly, most of us don't know how to prepare/cook a meal using fresh, whole ingredients. Most of us don't know how to cut-up a whole chicken We forgot that chickens even have bones. We find it perfectly acceptable to eat our vegetables and fruit from cans. We take a pill for every ailment, when the truth is a little exercise probably would do the trick Our health and well-being is at stake and we're in denial. Or is that we just our too lazy to do anything about it? A healthy lifestyle has a price tag, but so does the crappy, convenient lifestyle.

My forty something year old aunt had a massive heart attack about a month ago. She's obese, eats like crap, and does not exercise. A recipe for disaster. She was hospitalized for several days and even was confined to the ICU for a spell. Heart disease runs in her family.  Her father died of a massive heart attack before the age of 50. You would think that would be reason enough to take better care of herself. She left the hospital with a bag full of meds and a schedule in which she should take them. Of course, the doctors also prescribed a healthier diet and exercise. Popping the pills is the route she has decided to take. Another short-term solution for a much bigger problem. A problem that probably can be resolved with some effort on her part. The way I see it, she's very fortunate to have walked out of the hospital.

In both of the scenarios I've shared with you, the writing is clear. These are people I know and love. For some reason my message is not getting through to them. Maybe, by writing this blog post I can reach a few of you. I plead, I beg of you -- take control of your health. What's the worst that can happen? You might actually enjoy exercise? Eating healthy? You may actually feel better? Improve your health? Lose weight? Live longer? Or actually live?

Back to basics

For the past several weeks, I've been busy, busy, busy. Fitness trainer classes, writing and self-publishing a cookbook, teaching cooking classes, motivational speaking, and planning future events. It's no wonder something had to give, that something was me. I made it to the gym all of three times and my eating habits were a little questionable too. I'm happy to say, I was able to maintain my weight and did not gain. It's good to know that I can withstand life events and maintain my weight. But with my goal to lose 70 more pounds I can't rest my laurels here. I still have work to do, plenty of work to do.

One of the things that has changed about me throughout this journey is knowing when I need help and not being afraid to ask for it. I have the desire, motivation, but I need folks to help guide me through. Battling obesity is a tough battle, a battle not to be fought alone. Since I'm a little out of sync yesterday I called my coach to help dial me back in. Him and I came up with my game plan and now it's time I execute. I need not worry about the past several weeks. I need only to refocus my efforts and go back to the basics.

I've said this before I'm no contestant on an edited reality TV show. I'm not farmed away at some camp where I have chefs preparing my meals and personal trainers working me out around the clock. Nor do I have the luxury of not dealing with everyday life in the process. I'm right in the thick of life. Trying to create a healthier, fitter life all while maintaining life. There are bumps and I have to learn how to maneuver them. 170 pounds lighter and I still find myself having to come up with new ways to maneuver the bumps. Truthfully, the more weight I lose, the fitter I become the bigger the bumps.

What I know for sure: I can and will overcome any obstacles. I get to ask for help. I get to have periods of time when I don't workout. I get to not eat healthy all the time. No matter, I will never, never, never give up. It's time I go back to the basics.

Alive and kickin'

July 2011 © Vivian Johnson, The Columbian

My weight loss story was featured on the front page of  "The Columbian" back in July. Since then the blog has really taken off, I've went on to motivational speaking, teaching cooking classes, writing and self-publishing a cookbook. Surely, without the coverage I would have went on to do these things as well, but there's something about being featured in the newspaper. It's kind of cool to see your name in print, have your story told through the eyes of someone else, you reach more people, and it gains you a certain level of respect.

I'm a journalist by trade and believe in the nature of journalism. Print journalism - newspapers, however, have suffered since the rise of the internet. After the responses I've received after each article written in "The Columbian" I'd have to say newspapers still do make an impact --  they are alive and kickin'.

Thanks to the staff of "The Columbian" for helping me share  my story with the community. I want to reach as many people as I can and they've helped me do just that. 

A recap:

Woman packs on happiness as she sheds pounds - July 2011
Woman winning obesity battle featured on 'AM Northwest' - August 2011 
Chrisetta Mosley keeps inspiring - September 2011
Welcome new health bloggers to Columbian.com! - September 2011
Cooking up weight-loss success - December 2011

- 5

I'm operating on a -5. Anyone who knows me, knows how passionate and enthusiastic I am -- especially when I believe in something, I get pumped UP. My voice raises and I just get to talk...talk....talking. Whew! I get that from my dad's side - The Mosley's. My dad jokingly says I'm reserved and that I'm really operating on -5, go figure. Anyway, I'm really, really super passionate about my bid for a healthy, fit lifestyle. And, I want to share that passion. I do that in a number of ways: blogging,  motivational speaking, cooking classes, speaking to anyone and everyone that will listen, Facebook, etc.

Daily, I'm trying to make connections to promote my ideas for healthy living to the community.  I have tons of connections and plenty of folks who believe in my ideas, which I'm grateful for, but not everyone is as passionate about trying to do the same things I am. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes I get discouraged. I think I have great ideas. I want to share my knowledge and help people. I pitch my ideas all the time and then I get no call back, no respond to my emails, or I get told not at this time or just no. I've come to the realization that my passion, my beliefs, my desires are just that -- mine. Surely, folks may share some of my passion to a certain extent, but not quite my way. I'm operating on a -5, which for most people is off the richter scale.

Blueprint

I'm always thinking. Masterminding. I've never been one to ponder things over extensively. Usually once an idea has entered my mind I act on it. Sometimes acting on impulse is not a good thing. Case in point, the sleek, black iPhone I just ordered a couple of weeks ago needs to be packaged up and sent back this morning. I really had no business taking on a added expense like that, it's been fun while it lasted.

While making impulse purchases is not a good thing, putting my thoughts into action is. Once my mind is set on something I do it. Never have I been the type of person to over-think things. I know what I want and I usually understand what steps are required to go after it. My friends and family jokingly say I'm always drawing up "blueprints." Yesterday, when I was role playing in class as Wellness Coach for my final exam it was noted that I seemed to move the client to the action stage to quickly. I didn't fully allow the client to explore their ideas instead I was eager for them to put their thoughts to action.  It doesn't really matter if you act swiftly on your thoughts or if you take your time. What matters is that you act. Mentally draw your blueprint and execute.

"Never worry about action, but only inaction." ~ Winston Churchill

Where You Are

I talk to lots of folks through the blog, Facebook, and every day interactions. Recently, I was chatting with a friend who told me of his desire to get in better shape. He has big plans to exercise and eat healthier -- beginning in the New Year. Me being, who I am asked, "Why wait until then?" After all, no one is promised tomorrow. Harsh, maybe, but it's true.

I hear these types of comments from folks all the time. I use to talk the same way, so I can relate. Change is hard. Change is scary. It requires us to move outside of our comfort zones. What I've learned from my Wellness Coaching class is that type of talk is what professionals call the "Contemplation" stage. The individual recognizes there is an issue and is talking about making changes, but has yet to commit to the changes.

As a Wellness Coach, I would not be able to speak my opinion so freely. Instead, I'd be there to guide the client to finding answers. But, I'm not a wellness coach so here's what I say to you...If you are contemplating a change. Start where you are and start today. You're not promised tomorrow. Life is short. Live it to the fullest now.

A gift from God

My debut cooking class @ Chuck's

A few months ago I spoke to a group of spry seniors at a Men's Breakfast. After my speech, a 99-year old man approached me with teary eyes and said, "Your message is a gift from God." I never thought of sharing my story as such. I mean, it's just my story. I never imagined that by sharing my story, I would motivate, inspire, and encourage others.

When I started this blog, back in July 2010 I simply began writing as a way to document my journey. I never imagined that penning my lifetime battle with obesity wasn't about me. What I've learned, however, is it's really only a little bit about me and more about helping others. That's why I was given the voice, the passion. I went through all of my life experiences good and bad-- so that I could share my gift. Plenty of people have lost weight so I'm not extra-ordinary in that way. But, I recognize now that what separates me from others is my ability to tell the story, share the story. Blogging, cooking classes, cookbook writing, motivational speaking those are my gifts. I plan to share, share, share. That's what it's all about, listening to your inner voice, finding your passion, and sharing it. The rest will follow.

Happy as a lark

No complaints. No worries.

Counting my blessings.  

Open to receive all that the universe has to offer.    

Peace. Joy. Love.

Labor of love

It's an exciting day for me. This afternoon, I will pick-up my very first cookbook from the print shop. I created, designed, and am self-publishing the book. It's truly a labor of love.

As I reflect on the year, and the last couple of years. It's amazing to look at my progress. I decided in the fall of 2009 I did not like the person I had become and since have been on a mission to change myself into the person I want to be. It's been a challenging yet rewarding journey. I'm so glad I put my tennis shoes on that cold, dark day and went outside for a walk. That walk, lead to more walks, and eventually to the realization that I could change. And, I was worth the fight. In the midst of changing myself, I've shared my story with you, which has turned into a reciprocal relationship. You say, I motivate you, and you give me strength on days when I can't find it internally.

I've been on a mission to share my knowledge and passion with you in a variety of ways: blogging, motivational speaking, cooking classes, and now in the form of a cookbook. I feel so very fortunate to have the opportunity to share my gifts with you. I'm proof that "You can do anything you set your mind to," and "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

 My hope is to continue fine tuning myself and inspiring you a long the way.

Hello, December!

Move!

I've been busy, busy, busy with all sorts of projects. As a result my workout routine has suffered greatly. I really miss my gym time and exercising. My body feels so heavy and sluggish. I need to get back in action. I need to move! The numbers on the scale remain the same, but my body just feels so ugh. There is something to be said about exercising. Exercising makes me feel better. When I exercise I feel trimmer, lighter, and less stressed.  My trainer, Steve always tells me I don't have to come to the gym as long as I eat right. Sure, that's true because diet is the biggest factor when it comes to weight loss, but I feel so much better when I combine the two. My goal is to lead a healthy lifestyle that combines diet and exercise. My regularly scheduled gym routine will resume soon, very soon. It's time to move!

Delicious News!

Give the people what they want. I've heard time and time again from you all - "I want the recipe." "When are you going to make a cookbook?"  Well, the wait is over. Just in time for the holidays -- I've created and am self-publishing my very first cookbook, "Farewell Fatso! Bringing Cooking Back."

This morning, I actually held the first draft copy - what an AMAZING feeling.

First draft copy

By Friday, I'll have information on how YOU can pre-order your copy using PayPal. Yes, shipping anywhere in the U.S. will be available.

Books available by Saturday, December 10th. I'm currently working on a few local locations for book signings. Surreal.

Y'all are the reason this is happening. An extra-extra special thanks to my beautiful friend, Katina for inspiring me to actually bring my vision, our vision to life.

More to come soon.

I'm truly bringing "Cooking Back."

Repost: Steel Good

I love a warm bowl of oatmeal on a cold fall morning. For months, I’ve been reading and hearing about the benefits of Steel Cut Oats, so recently I decided to give them a try. I was quite impressed. They have a denser, nuttier texture and you can really taste the goodness. With each bite, you just feel like what you’re eating is wholesome, and it is. Steel Cut Oats are rich in B-vitamins, calcium, protein and fiber but low in sodium and unsaturated fat. And, get this, just one cup of steel-cut oats contains 8g of fiber. These little oats pack a big nutrient punch which means you stay full longer.

So what’s the difference between instant oats, rolled oats, and steel cut oats? Basically, it’s the processing. Instant pre-packaged oats are pre-cooked and sugars and additives are included - by far they’re the worse possible choice. Rolled oats are steamed, rolled, re-steamed and toasted – so although they are processed they would make a much better choice than the instant crap in the pouches. The King of oats - Steel cut oats are unrefined, they are only cut two to three times using a steel blade. They are a little pricey, but not if you shop at a store that sells them in bulk. Winco sells them bulk for .67 a lb. While the leading brands, such as Bob’s Red Mill are more expensive.

I prepared about two cups of oats and added two diced apples and dried cranberries. Yum-o! The oats do take a little longer to cook, but are well worth it. Since they do take longer to cook, I made a few servings and put the remainder in the fridge - they re-heat well. As always it’s important to pair complex carbs with protein. I typically eat about a ½ c. of oats with two scrambled eggs. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so make it count!

Sources: Wikipedia

Here are a couple of related articles:

http://www.myyogaonline.com/healthy-living/nutrition/why-choose-steel-cut-oats

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1494650/the_skinny_on_steel_cut_oats.html?cat=5

Repost: I am fat, I am not fat - Thank you

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I am fat, I am not fat - Thank you

About nine years old already deep in a battle with obesity

I've said this many times before I can not lose this weight in silence. Losing 170 + lbs. is no small feat. I've been told by two personal trainers that most people won't start what I finish. I finish because of a great desire, a crazy amount of will that propels me to keep going, but I can't do this without writing. As a child, I always liked to craft stories. I use to read books endlessly as a result I had a wild imagination so I would write wild stories. I LOVE words. I love manipulating them. I love the English language and all of the nuances. So as an adult, I went to college in my late twenties and received a degree in journalism. I found though that I really didn't like journalism writing much there's no room for my voice or creativity.

Anyway, I started writing this blog because I wanted to publicly document my journey, share my story. I never imagined that sharing my story would actually be cathartic for me. In retrospect, perhaps I really started writing because I don't know any other way. Those wild stories I use to write as a child where my brief escape from my childhood and penning my lifetime battle with obesity is my escape now.

I've been obese since I can remember and so losing this weight is not about just losing the weight. I have layers, upon layers of emotional, spiritual damage to repair. I'm learning how to love myself. Truly, love myself. There are no quick fixes for this. This is my life. I'm trying to figure out new ways to handle things without turning to food. I'm trying to create a healthy relationship with food and exercise. When I write to y'all it is raw. I mean what I say, these are my true feelings. So sometimes I may seem a little contradictory, unbalanced -- I am. I am fat. I am not fat. I am thin. I don't want to be thin. I am everything in between. Bear with me, I am trying to finding myself and this is the only way that I know how.

Thank you all for allowing me to document my journey, share my story. I can not do this alone nor do I want to . True, I've never met most of you, but knowing that you're out there encouraging me, offering your kind words and advice gives me the strength to go on. "You're my hero. You inspire me. ...When you share with the rest of us, we all gain a little something too." Your words keep me going on days when I can't find it internally. I'm telling y'all what I'm about to do is big. I am going to turn childhood obesity statistics upside down. Not many people beat childhood obesity once they become adults. It's usually just too late. All of you get to say you helped me. Thank you for helping me. The day we reach the finish line is going to be sweet victory. For once and for all, Farewell Fatso!

Oh, crap!

The more I learn about the food industry. The more appalled, outraged I become. I shouldn't dwell on the past, but I started thinking about all the crappy food I use to eat -- lack of knowledge. My biggest regret, the crap I use to feed my daughter. Full of sugar, salt, fat, and tons of other crap. I'm so sorry my darling baby, mama just didn't know. Luckily, she has grown up to be a healthy young lady. Phew.

Here's a few of the gross processed so called meals I use to feed my baby girl:

Kid's Cuisine

Lunchables

Easy Mac

And to wash all the crap down, SUGAR oh and some dye:


Capri Sun

12 days, 3 weeks, 4 months

Lately, I haven't been my active self. Truthfully, my eating habits have been a little iffy too. There are plenty of reasons why, but I won't make excuses. I'll just say, I'm learning not to measure my health and fitness in the span of days, weeks, or months. I don't run to the gym for a few weeks and then deem myself fit. I don't eat well for a month or two and then I'm suddenly healthy. Instead, eating healthy and working out is what I chose to do all the time for the rest of my life. This is a lifestyle change, folks.  Some periods of time I'll be on my "A" game, sometimes I won't. But, that never, ever means I have fallen off. I will never return to that slothenly way of life that caused me to weigh 388 lbs. I will not let a few days, weeks, or months be indicative of the way I ultimately chose to live my life.

I have publicly announced my bid to be "Fit by Forty" which for me, means I want to be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40 this summer. No doubt, I will work towards this goal, but please note that once I meet that goal there will be another goal. Goals are terrific to have because they can be motivators, but again once I meet each goal I'll just strive for something more. A healthy, fit lifestyle is just that a lifestyle, it does not have a timeline attached to it. My love for myself, and for a healthier, fitter life, is not fleeting. I want this forever, not 12 days, 3 weeks, or 4 months.

My word

I've said this before, my journey is more than a physical transformation.  This is a transformation from the inside out. I want to be a person that radiates happiness, peace, love. I want to be a person who does what I say I will do. I want to be a person of character. So this morning, I set off to do something simply because I looked someone in the eye and told her I would. It's cold, dark, and foggy outside and I would prefer to stay snug in my bed, but that's not a valid reason. That's selfish. Pulling out of commitments was pretty typically of the old me, but no longer. My word is bond.

My new love, Kale

I never thought I'd say this, but move over spinach you are no longer my favorite dark leafy green. Your big brother, Kale has stolen my heart. What's not to love? Hearty. Versatile. Chock full of rich nutrients. I've fallen and I don't no what to do, but eat more.

Healthy Cooking 101: In their words

Class session number six, Homemade Tomato Soup with Grilled Paninis at Chuck's Produce & Street Market was another success. There were 23 eager class participants in the crowd with half of them being repeat visitors. I'm so very excited that folks are excited. Seems to me people may be looking to cook at home again. Maybe, just maybe, I've lit their fire.

Here's an email I received from two of the ladies who are repeat participants:

Back row right - left : Nena and Tami travel from Milwaukie

Today we attended our third Healthy Cooking 101 class. We weren’t sure what to expect at the Southwest Chicken Soup class in early October, which was our first class. By the time it was over, we had been inspired and entertained by Chrisetta. These classes are so much more than just a cooking class. She talks passionately about her personal journey of weight loss and learning how to eat healthy. She shares what she has learned about nutrition and healthy eating. It is obvious that she cares about what she’s doing and wants to change people’s lives. And she does it all while cooking very good food that we get to sample.

You know how you visit a good friend for dinner and sit at her kitchen bar chatting with her while she cooks? Her classes are like that but with more friends!

Why do we drive from Milwaukie to Vancouver for Chrisetta’s classes? She is inspirational, passionate, knowledgeable, and so easy to relate to. Oh, and she cooks like nobody’s business!


~Nena and Tami Williams                          

Touching Lives, Making Connections

Just three short months ago I stood in front of 12 men at a Men's Breakfast as the featured speaker. I had no idea what I was doing. How I would be received. I only knew that I was raw with passion, enthusiasm, and had a story of trials and triumphs to share. Yesterday, I spoke to my fourth group of about 30 men and women who eagerly listened to me share my story. After each speaking event, the picture becomes clearer. My story is applicable to all. My story is one of hard work, staying the course, making adjustments, and never giving up. I'm REAL proof that you can do anything you set your mind to. I love connecting and mingling with folks after I speak usually I am rewarded with some words of encouragement as well. 

" You're rising out of the darkness and into the sunlight. You glow." Gary S.

Here's how I opened:  "I will not do this in silence. I will not be quiet about it. I will talk about it every chance I get. I will write about it every chance I get. Sometimes when I'm by myself I even sing about. Everyone willing to listen will hear about it. Today I will tell you all about it. This my friends is my story of battling obesity."

Repeat

This just seems fitting for today. Here's a repost of a previous blog. Enjoy!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Kicking and Screaming

By now, you have heard some version or another of my story. If not, here’s a synopsis, I’m a product of childhood obesity and to date I’ve lost 155 lbs. Yes, 1-5-5! Ideally, I still have to lose another 80 pounds to meet my goal weight. That’s a total of 235 pounds. Yeah, I know, those numbers are inconceivable to most. Those numbers are not for the weak-hearted.

By far, battling obesity is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Battling obesity isn’t just about losing the weight. This is so much more than a physical transformation. It’s about finding myself and learning to love myself. It's about talking down the demons on a regular, "You're fat and always will be. "You're ugly." "You can't."  Every single day, I’m at war with myself emotionally and mentally, and boy do I the have the scars to prove it. So, I apologize if I’m always talking about my battle with obesity. I apologize for always complaining about how hard this is. But, if I’m going to fight this battle I will not do it quietly. This is not something you go through in silence. I am kicking and screaming the whole way.

Yesterday, while at the gym I was complaining to my trainer friend about how fat I still am. He listened as he always does, and he also reminded me of how far I’ve come. He’s right. I’ve come along way. Ironically, that’s exactly why I am frustrated, I've come so far, but yet have so far to go. It’s overwhelming. Sure, I’m proud, but this is ONLY round seven of a heavyweight bout. I still have five more rounds to go. I’m tired, wiped out, and downright exhausted. But, I’m way too stubborn and prideful to quit. Instead, I keep tighten up my gloves and getting back in the ring. Yeah, I fuss, I complain, and some days I cry. I think I have every right to do so. So, if you would, please just bear with me when I go off on my tirades. After all, I’m in the midst of kicking obesity to the curb. This is no small feat.


                                     
                  Reminder to self: You’ve come a long, long way, baby!

Appreciative

The blog has had 15,000 visitors. Yes, 15,000! The numbers just keep ballooning because of YOU. I thank you all for your support from the bottom of my heart.

You give to me as much, if not more than I give to you. Please know how much I appreciate you.

Everything I've Gained

Last night as part of my Wellness Coaching assignment, I completed a "Well-Being Assessment." The assessment addressed the importance, readiness, and confidence in each of the following categories:

• Energy
• Sleep and Stress Management
• Life Satisfaction
• Life Balance 
• Weight
• Exercise
• Nutrition 
• Health Issues
  

I was pleased with my answers to most of the questions. I  seem to have a solid grasp on most areas in my life. I was particularly pleased with the "Weight" category.  It asked you to record: Current weight, 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, and 10 years. As I wrote the decreasing numbers on each line I relished how much hard work and dedication I have put into losing weight and maintaining my weight loss. The weight loss directly correlates to me feeling better about myself, gives me a brighter prospective, and enhances my overall livelihood. I'm so very happy that I made the decision to confront my weight. Taking the assessment helped me put into prospective all that I've really achieved by losing the weight and taking a holistic approach to my health. I've said this many times before,  "It's not what I've lost, but everything I've gained."

Healthy Cooking 101: Pepper Steak served with Quinoa

I'm super-excited to share my passion for good, wholesome food with others. It's awesome to see the response over the last few weeks at my cooking classes. Seems to me people are really interesting in bringing cooking back home.  I've got the feeling folks are hungry for more. There were six repeat participants in yesterday's class.

I love gazing out at a room full of food enthusiasts. Eager. Asking questions. Taking notes. Excited about rushing home to prepare the recipes themselves.

Yesterday's class brought together another spectacular group.

• A mother brought her elementary aged daughter and her little girlfriend.
• Mother and adult daughter. Spending the afternoon together.
• Friends who hadn't seen each other in a while, catching up.
• Friends just hanging out with one another.
• Lovers. Sharing the afternoon.
• And, then there were those who came by themselves, but made a friend or two while there.

I so love what I do!  I'm bringing "Cooking Back." 

Eating Healthy Never Tasted So Good

My Playhouse

Oh how, I miss my playhouse, the gym. Since I started classes in the Fitness Trainer program six weeks ago. Ironically, working out has not been a priority. I think I've worked out maybe four times. Surely, exercise goes beyond the gym I know that. I do workout in my Exercise Techniques class and I walk the campus at a brisk pace, but it's still not the same.

The walls of 24-Hour Fitness Columbia Tech Center is where I've turned a lot of negative into tons of positive. I learned a lot about myself in the very walls of that gym. I found myself in some compromising positions in boot camp, cycling, Yoga, and even Zumba. Sweating. Panting. Being pushed to the limit. Training with Steve always is a good time, but it's not easy work. He asks me to do things I would never do on my own. He's right there telling me, I can, when I'm on the brink of giving in to fatigue, embarrassment, or both.

For me working out has become a major part of my life. I'm the gal who typically works out five to six times a week. I'm the gal who three weeks after having a metal plate with 14 screws inserted in her leg to reattach the tibia was at the gym doing upper body workouts. I'm the gal at 294 lbs. who stood at the front of the room her very first time in Zumba class. I'm the gal who graces the wall of 24 Hour Fitness as a Member Success Story. I'm the gal who gets it in -- no matter. What happened to that gal? She still exist she's just dormant right now. I just can't DO everything. There's only 24 hours in a day. I do what I can -- I watch my diet. Like, Steve, says it doesn't matter what I do at the gym, but it does matter what I eat. So I've made sure that during this weeks I've buttoned up my nutrition.

I've met some wonderful like-minded people at the gym. I've even received emails over the last few weeks from some of them saying they miss me -- totally cool. The gym is so much more to me than just a place to workout. It's a place where I go to connect. A place I  go to have fun, hang out, and get my workout on. I miss sweating, pushing my limits, and chatting it up with my gym buddies. I'm starting to have some major withdrawals. I'll make my way back to my playhouse soon, real soon. Until then...hold it down for me y'all.

Healthy

I've been fighting the flu for the last couple of days and so far it's winning. Body aching, head pounding, and feeling oh so sorry for self. I started thinking, I'm so very grateful for my health. Sure, every now and again I have some minor aches and pains, I may get a cold, the flu, a headache or stomach ache. But no chronic pain, diseases, or conditions. Some people have conditions or diseases where they have to take medication regularly,  injections, chemotherapy, radiation treatments, and they may go to bed and wake up in chronic pain. My heart goes out to those folks. Lying in bed sick the last couple of days has made me appreciate my health even more. Now, flu crude be gone I have work to do.

What a Difference a year makes

In the fall of 2009 after a trifecta of unfortunate events I decided to take control of my life. It's been a rewarding, challenging journey. I've said this before,  it's not only about my outer appearance -- this is a transformation from the inside out. I look to many other factors besides the scale. I'm taking a holistic approach to my health. This is a lifestyle change so there is no end date and I'm not really sure what my ultimate goal is. I want to live a healthy, active, happy life forever.

I'm a work in progress... I look forward to more positive changes in the year ahead.

"Life isn't about find yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

10-31-10

10-31-11

10-31-09

Technical difficulties

Urrrrrrrgh. Not the way I wanted to start off, November. I've had PC issues all day. Seeing as how I'm just successfully getting logged on my laptop let's just try this again tomorrow.

What's for ME

As October comes to a close, I'm encouraged. There were a couple of snags this month, but I've come to learn -- what's for me is for me. I don't have to force or try to manufacture things. So the business deals that didn't go through. Oh well. People who come in and out of my life. Toodles. I don't want to seem flip about it, but it is what it is. The universe works it all out.

Here's the positive from October:

• Hosted two successful cooking classes 
• Delivered my third motivational speech
• Six weeks into the Fitness Trainer Program
• Over 13,000 visitors to the blog
• eHow..com featured a blog post, "Sugar: Don't be fooled."
• 325 + FB "likes"
• Dates booked into March 2012
• Officially received notice that I'll teach a series of classes beginning January 2012
• Secured my biggest speaking venue to date for February 2012
• Working on a super delicious project -- details soon to be announced 
• I'm healthy, vibrant, and loved                                                                                                                                                              

I don't sweat the small stuff. What's for me is for me. I'm right where I'm suppose to be doing exactly what I should be doing. Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride. Bye-bye, October you were good to me. Looking forward to November.